Saturday, February 18, 2012

Child Visitation Question, Ex hardly ever takes visits, son is special needs, needs routine?

When my custody order was set my son was only 6mos old, and had yet to have been diagnosed as PDD-NOS my son is 4 years old now. My ex is your textbook deadbeat. Won't work because the state will garninsh his wages for his 40K in back child support (he has never paid a dime) He will go months and months on end without giving my son a thought or taking a visit, and then all of a sudden he will call and say he wants to take him for a weekend. It is hell on my son because 75% of the time he requests a visit, he will either not show up at all, leaving you sitting in a car waiting with a flipping out four year old, or he will cancel at the last minute. My son thrives on routine. This set up is hell on him. My husband and I have tried to convey to my ex that he needs to be consistent, that the games he is playing right now are causing more harm than good. My son's teachers have tried to make it clear to my ex that what he is doing is NOT working, and that when he does take visits, they have nothing but trouble with my son for a week after he gets home. All of these pleadings are falling on deaf ears with my ex, he does not see his actions as being problematic.

My ex this morning requested another visit forthis weekend, he has not taken a visit since well before Christmas. I flat out said NO, that it was TOO LATE to juggle our plans around (we are taking a family trip) and that it is too short of notice to prepare my son. My ex flipped his lid, said that we are denying him visitation. I do not feel that we deny him visitation. His basis for that allegation is that every other week we do not call him to remind him that he has a visit. He states that by our not calling him to initiate plans, we are in actions denying him access to his son. I am of the mind that I have enough on my plate already and chasing my ex around to remind him to visit his son is not my responsibility.. What he is asking is just silly. He wants me to call him to remind him that he has a visit coming, and then chase him around to firm up pick up time and place. He says that I never call him to set it up and that is why he goes months on end without seeing my son. I think it is BS, but my question is if he were to drag me into court, would a court see his notion as stupid too? Or would I be violating child custody order? The order has never been altered since he was 6 mos old, and is right now every other weekend with his father. Again, his father will take maybe 5 or 6 visits per year. The inconsistant jumping in and out of my sons life causes turmoil, he is on the Autistic Spectrum and needs STRUCTURE. The order does not recognize his needs. I do realize that I should go back to court to have the order reviewed, but my fear is that a judge will agree with my ex about me denying visits because I don't call him and remind him that they are coming up.Child Visitation Question, Ex hardly ever takes visits, son is special needs, needs routine?
The judge will DEFINITELY NOT take your ex's side. He has shown that he is not interested in being a father. It is not your responsibility to organise his visits. I've gone through similar things with my ex. We broke up when my son was 1 and he did not agree to a visitation schedule until almost a year later. During that time he took his son a total of 5 times - only two overnight. He always had excuses as to why he "couldn't" take him. He started the visitation after he moved into his mother's house and I know that she was really the one taking care of my son but regardless he was sticking to it. But now he's moved out of his mum's, and he's starting to ditch his visitation. Last weekend, he called on the day and said he "had to work". I found out later that he chose to work for the extra money. I feel that now he's not living with his mum, he is going to start missing visitation more often. Like you, I don't know whether to continue to let him set us up for disappointment, or just to say no. It's so unfair - they can choose not to use their visitation and there's nothing we can do but as soon as we say no you're not gonna let our kids down again, we're denying them their rights! It's garbage.
Your ex has proven himself to be irresponsible and would not dare to set foot in a courtroom. I am quite surprised he is not already in jail for nonsupport. Have the visitation schedule modified, ask for supervised visitation due to the irregularity of his visits and child's special circumstances.



It is NOT your job to remind him of his child. I promise you a judge would laugh him out of the courtroom on that one, right before he sent him to jail for not paying his court ordered support.Child Visitation Question, Ex hardly ever takes visits, son is special needs, needs routine?
Your husband is not a child so why do you have to remind him to see his son? My advice take him to court full force and a judge will be on your side when he sees what a deadbeat dad he is don't be afraid and go for it!
Are you telling your son about his dad's visits in advance? My daughter is bi-polar and my ex and I don't tell her things until they happen. It's a strategy we've developed that works very well for her. She can't stand to be disappointed.



Your ex has problems. He sounds really narcissistic. No judge will accept that it's your role to initiate visitation. Facilitate, yes. You'd do fine if you went back to court.Child Visitation Question, Ex hardly ever takes visits, son is special needs, needs routine?
Keep a notebook (make sure that it is hanwritten and dated for each entry) every time that you and your son has contact with his father. Record the time, what was discussed, if he came on time, was late or simply did not show up at all. Get your lawyer involved, and show him/her your notebook, because then the lawyer will be able to present it to the judge. Keep track of every little detail, be sure to include how your son reacts to him showing up, not showing up ect. I would also set up a parent teacher conference and try to get their observations in writing as well as talking to your son's doctor about the behavior of his father and the toll that it is taking on your son, again, get it in writing. While it is easy for the courts to dismiss the "he said, she said" routine, it is hard for them to ignore documentation. Also, be sure to record all violence, no matter whom it is directed at. But do not provoke him, he doesn't sound all that stable. Good luck to all of you.
If he does drag you into court, the Judge will likely see him for what he is. For the record, if he does take you to court (not likely as it does cost money and his son doesn't seem to warrant his time much less his money) I would get his teachers to write a statement as to how his visits do affect your son. Heck, I might take him to court myself to get his visits suspended until a time that your ex is more stable and willing to take on regular visits.



It is not your responsibility to contact your ex to arrange for him to take your son.

What would be the advantages and disadvantages of mainstreaming a child with Autism?

He is said to be on the higher functioning end of the Autism Spectrum, but more delayed and confused then typical with Asperger's. He is diagnosed with PDD-NOS, BP, GAD, SPD, and ADHD.



I am trying to compile a list of advantages and disadvantages to help me with the decision whether or not to go along with the school districts plan to gradually mainstream my son from his substantially seperate classroom where he is the only 1st grader with four other boys who are in 4-5th grade. Here is what I have so far:



Advantages:

*Would be with children his own age

*Would have positive role models in the other children to learn from

*Be with teachers who know how to get to his level

*Be away from the principal who filed a 51a on me for not getting him the services that HE believed my son needed when his psychiatrists were telling me he did not meet the criteria for hospitalization. Although it got screened out there are still hard feelings there.

*Be with the counselor for his age group

*Have children his own age to play with/near at recess if he choses to.

*There were some days where he would be in time out more than an hour throughout his day split up between different times. This takes out from his learning times.



Disadvantages:

*He has a very high anxiety level and would be very nervous around 15 other kids in his classroom

*He gets easily overstimulated with noise, people, etc. When he is overstimulated he is more likely to have behavior issues.

*He gets very easily distracted and looses focus.

*His substantially seperate classroom has a time out area and the teachers are trained in therapeutic holds which he needs sometimes. The regular class might not have these things.



I am wondering what others think I should do as far as his placement goes, what other things you can think of that would be advantages or disadvantages of mainstreaming him. He would still have his 1:1 aid with him in either placement. He also gets PT, OT, Speech, Counseling, Sensory Integration, and Social Skills Groups through his IEP.What would be the advantages and disadvantages of mainstreaming a child with Autism?
For me the issues is not to mainstream or not to mainstream the issue is what services and support look like for him. He's got a lot cooking in there with that list of alphabet diagnosis as he gets older what primarily impacts him will likely change.



I would first make sure his sensory needs are met - then deal with his ADHD needs (meds, behavior mod etc) that will be the larger part of what will increase his success with typical peers.



Then a look at the Bi Polar stuff - which typically increases it's impact as children get older. What does your medical professional say would be useful.



In other words - the setting is important but the services are critical - what is the Least Restricitifve setting that he will get the services he needs.



Keep in mind that kids on the spectrum don't just 'pick up' typical kids behaviors by being near them - they need direct instruction.



I however am NOT a fan of teaching in isolation and I fear for the future of students on the spectrum who are in the current new favorite thing of special school for Aspy's. When will they ever learn to interact with typical peers outside an artificial environment?What would be the advantages and disadvantages of mainstreaming a child with Autism?
Go ahead with mainstreaming. The advantages far outweigh the disadvantages. Those disadvantages would be solved one at a time through mainstreaming and continuous therapy. Hate the principal all you want but I think he knows what he's doing.



Your son needs mainstreaming. If the experts say your son is ready, then you should be happy. If your son does show serious problems, ask if he can go part-time mainstreaming and part-time one-on-one.



My son, diagnosed PDD-NOS at 3yo have gone through the same route. Surviving a seemingly endless list of therapies, he now goes to regular high school, delayed only by a year. He is slow in everything so his newest therapy session is a sports clinic in addition to his reading comprehension tutorials.



It seems your son is in good and capable hands. Don't skimp on therapy. If they say he needs it, go on with it. It takes years for you to notice any slight improvement. He will improve. Just bear with it. Good luck.What would be the advantages and disadvantages of mainstreaming a child with Autism?
A few problems with your list of advantages...



Being with children his own age isn't an advantage. It may motivate other advantages, but is not one itself. And whether it would motivate other advantages is still debatable. But it's most definitely not an advantage on it's own.



Also, the majority of children don't make good role models. I know you're likely just looking for social interaction, but he's just going to need to unlearn it and learn an entirely new one as he gets older. If he even actually does learn from them, which he may not.



And I highly doubt the teachers would know how to get to his level. They're trained in how to tell children not to learn anything without their permission, then to spend an hour teaching them a 5 minute concept using very specific methods which result in people not learning half the material. They hardly teach normal students (it's all short term memory, not learning), and I would expect them to be even less prepared to teach a student with different needs.



Also, I kind of thought autistic people had slightly different thought processes... would kind of make the counselor for his age group kind of useless. Again, they're trained to make a very small difference for normal people. None for others.



And while he would have the opportunity to play with/near other children around his age during recess if he wanted to, he'd be forced to if he didn't.



And do you actually think the time outs would be LESS frequent in standard classes?



I can't tell you what you should do, but I really don't think an advantages/disadvantages list is going to help much. Your son is an individual. You can't know how he'll react to something that hasn't happened. Shouldn't use guesswork to make such an important decision.
This part comes from the Guide to the Individualized Education Program, which was developed by the U.S. Department of Education, with the assistance of the National Information Center for Children and Youth with Disabilities (NICHCY). http://www.ed.gov/parents/needs/speced/i鈥?/a>



"Placement decisions must be made according to IDEA's least restrictive environment requirements-commonly known as LRE. These requirements state that, to the maximum extent appropriate, children with disabilities must be educated with children who do not have disabilities.



The law also clearly states that special classes, separate schools, or other removal of children with disabilities from the regular educational environment may occur only if the nature or severity of the child's disability is such that education in regular classes with the use of supplementary aids and services cannot be achieved satisfactorily."



I would keep your list and discuss your concerns with the other members of the IEP team, sometimes they will make adjustments to the IEP but kind of like on a trial basis to see if certain thinks work with the child, such as making some short term goals about your concerns and see how he actually does with them, he may do better than anyone expects and however he does you can adjust them accordingly and/or try different approaches to achieve those goals. Like for example your concern over being overstimulated, perhaps his first few days in a mainstream class the OT can be there to help him adjust to the new enviroment or gradually work him into the mainstream class which would help with his anxiety level, take it step by step.



Remember, if at any time you disagree with his placement even though you are a part of the IEP team, there are a variety of procedures you can follow which are all covered in the procedural safeguards that the school by law should of provided you with. If they did not you can find them here:

http://idea.ed.gov/explore/view/p/%2Croo鈥?/a>



Remember also, that the IEP team must review his IEP once per year (can be sooner per parents or teachers request) and that also that they are required by law to re-evaluate your son every 3 years (can be sooner per parents or teachers request)to see if he still meets the requirements set forth by IDEA. So if at anytime you are in any type of doubt, just request a meeting.



I also suggest visting this website: Tool Kit on Teaching and Assessing Students With Disabilities: Accommodations: How To Select, Administer, and Evaluate Use of Accommodations for Instruction and Assessment of Students with Disabilities

http://www.osepideasthatwork.org/toolkit鈥?/a>



This is a great resource to ensure your son receives any and all accommodations he may need and to get the most from them.



This website includes: modifications or alterations vs. accommodations; documenting accommodations on a student's IEP or 504 Plan; questions to guide accommodation selection; each type of accommodation (presentation; response; setting; and timing/scheduling accommodations) and what can be used for that type of accommodation; which students can benefit from accommodations; examples of accommodations based on student characteristics; Do's and Don'ts when selecting accommodations; guidelines for administering specific accommodations; questionaire to identify various types of presentation, response, setting, and timing and scheduling accommodations for students with disabilities (purpose is to prompt members of IEP teams and 504 planning committees to consider a wide range of accommodation needs); questionnaire to collect information about needed accommodations from the student's perspective; logistics planning checklist (can be used in the planning and implementation of assessment accommodations for an individual student); %26amp; accommodations journal (journal lets the student be in charge).

What's wrong with my ears? Why are they becoming more & more sensitive?

I can't handle the sound of people chewing loudly %26amp; popping, clicking, %26amp; smacking their gum. Now, I can no longer handle hearing other people, as well as myself, type on the keyboard.



I know I have hyperacusis, %26amp; I'm easily prone to ear infection, but why is it getting worse? %26amp; this is with certain sounds. Music played in my ears from my mp3 player don't bother me at all. I was told that people with Asperger's have this problem, but I'm not sure if I'm an Aspie. When I was younger, I was suspected to have PDD-NOS, but some of these traits stuck with me. I come close to an anxiety breakdown when I hear painful noises.



33-dB earplugs aren't even effective. Sometimes I wish for COMPLETE silence %26amp; wish I can be deaf when I want to %26amp; hearing when I want to. Music is always pleasant to hear. But I need my silence in order to concentrate.What's wrong with my ears? Why are they becoming more %26amp; more sensitive?
Your best bet is to see a doctor as soon as possible. It might be a serious condition, especially if it's getting worse.

Ex has demanded a visit with my son..please read?

Yesterday Child SUpport Enforcement caught up with my ex and demanded that he make a 500 dollar payment by 4pm, or get arrested. This strong action was required as he has never madwe a single payment since my son was born (we were divorced 4mos before he was born) and his balance had gotten "disgusting" in the eyes of the states support commisioner.

Wel my ex proved that he could make payments because in order to avoid jail, he rushed right over the the office with cash. No, he is pissed. He called last night at 11pm demanding a visit with my son for this weekend. He has not seen my son is months. We had repeatedly contacted him for months inquiring upon his intentions. No response. Back in January he cancelled a visit because I wold not give him money or buy groceries for the weekend. In January he also on 2 occasions set a visit time and place for pick up, then did not show. My husband had driven my son to the location, waited 45 minutes for him to show, only to get a call from this man saying "ha ha how do you like to be ****** with". He stated that he did this to prove that he was in "control" of my son, not us. My son is diagnosed with having an Autistic disorder (PDD-NOS) and needs structure. Every one of his stunts has hurt my son. My ex refuses to appropriately educate himself on my son's diagnosis. He took 4 visits in the last 18mos, the last one being months ago. When my son returned he was filthy, and he screamed for 3 hours non stop. He was physically fine, but very very upset. It took me 3 hours of rocking him to get him to calm down. It was the most heartwrenching thing I have ever witnessed.

My son is also on a GFCF diet, and my ex refuses to adhere to it, citing the foods are too expensive. He has over the last year on three occasions offered to sign over his rights if we pay him money.

Bottom line, he is still not prepared to care for this child. His behavior has been childish, and I am terrified at the prospect of him being alone with him. On the short term, what can I do? He is only demanding this as retaliation for the child support he was literally forced to pay yesterday. Because of his anger I fear for my son's safety. Let me add that while I was pregnant with my son my ex fractured my jaw because I told him I did not want to eat dinner. He then forced me to eat dinner anyhow. I had his crazy *** arrested, and he was convicted of 4 counts of DV Assault, all felonies. So, given his propensity to violent outbursts when angered, and the fact that he is clearly enraged, I do not want my baby alone with him.

On short notice, what can I legally do? I have an appointment with a lawyer for Monday, but my ex wants to pick up on Friday. What steps can I legally take to prevent this?Ex has demanded a visit with my son..please read?
Tell him that you have plans already, and that he did not give you enough notice.



Call your divorce attorney, and take it in-front of a judge. What ever you do, do not tell your ex he will not be able to see your son, make excuses until you go to court.



I am not sure what the court will rule, but better to be civil and take it to court.



Good luck
does it state in your divorce paper that he is allowed visitation? if it does then for now you need to let him visit and go back to court and try to get it modified based on the past physical violence. If he does not have court ordered visitation then tell him to shove it. Paying support does not mean you automatically get visitation.Ex has demanded a visit with my son..please read?
Common sense answer



1. Don't let him see the kid



2. go to court with all the statements of experts and block his visitation and then have his parental rights removed for cause.
he has to give you notice ahead of time if wants to visit.. also he needs to abide by his diet..

you should take all this proof of what he has done and talk to your lawyer and have certain things added to visitation like specified times and instructions for his dietEx has demanded a visit with my son..please read?
There is no general right to visitation. The right to visitation is specific to each family and is spelled out in the divorce decree. It is quite separate from child support payments. If there is no order allowing visitation, then it is up to him to petition the court to allow it. If there is an order and you don't like it, it is up to you to petition the court to change it.
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  • To stay or to go. . . Puertor Rico vs. Florida?

    I do not like the winter and my children are always sick during the winter months, so I have decided to relocate to either Polk County, Florida or Humacao, Puerto Rico. My problem is that I want the best for my children (ages 7 %26amp; 12 - the 12 y.o. in on the autism spectrum PDD-NOS). I will begin next year to look for a teaching job. Either place, I will work as an English teacher.



    I need your input about either place: positive and negative experiences if any that a relative, friend, or yourself may have experienced. For example: neighborhood, schools, avg income, etc.



    Any information will be greatly appreciated. Thank you !To stay or to go. . . Puertor Rico vs. Florida?
    ~ Well I lived temporarily (8 months) in Lakeland, Fl. My mom lives in Lake Wales, Fl. I had a few friends in Haines City and worked in Davenport. That is most of Polk County. I have been through all of the smaller areas as well, Avon Park, Sebring, Winter Haven and they are all about the same, Lakeland is the biggest.



    In my opinion, I couldn't wait to get the heck out of there. I hated it!



    I don't know where you are coming from, what you like and don't like so it may work for you, it may not.



    I'm not a religious person and Polk County is very Baptist! I'm not a redneck and Polk County is very southern, good ole boy mentality. I don't like Central Florida and all the citrus trees. The schools are not so good and the housing market is less than appealing. My husband and I are from the coast of Florida and have always been near the beach so Central Florida was a huge change for us. We prefer the Florida Beach Life with upscale living, dining and shopping. That is NOT Central Florida. It is however very relaxed with most of the traffic in Lakeland and Winter Haven. Haines City is very heavy Mexican/Spanish speaking area. Lakeland is very family oriented feeling with events, a very nice clean downtown and lots of lakes. It is not a bad place at all, you don't feel concerned about crime in Lakeland; Winter Haven and Haines City is a little more questionable. If I were to move back to Polk County I would ONLY live in Lakeland as the rest of the surrounding areas are not as nice in comparison.



    If you go to Lakeland, the best tip I can give you is to stay on the South side of Lakeland (everything there is North and South it is a mirror image) however, South side is nicer, has more money, more educated and has quality people. The North side is very redneck, has some KKK memebers and has more land with mobile homes. Carillon Lakes has nice homes in a gated community that is very affordable. Lakeland has a new shopping center with theater that is very nice on Hardon called Lake Side Village.



    I have had friends that visited San Juan and just say how much of a city it is, more than they thought, however I have never been there.To stay or to go. . . Puertor Rico vs. Florida?
    I live in Orlando, FL right now. Personally, I believe you should bring them to Florida.



    1: They have somewhere to go for their summer vacations (Disney, Universal, Seaworld, Islands of Adventures)

    2: I think it will be a lot safer.

    3: If they are Americans, you want to keep them on this side so that they can continue dominating the English and still manage to speak spanish because of the amount of Latin Speakers here. In Puerto Rico, they might lose their English.

    4: It is going to be hotter here.

    5: Travelling will be less expensive as you have an option of going by car or plane.

    6: There are better schools here.



    I really hope this helps!

    Debating between relocating to Puerto Rico and Florida, please help?!?

    I do not like the winter and my children are always sick during the winter months, so I have decided to relocate to either Polk County, Florida or Humacao, Puerto Rico. My problem is that I want the best for my children (ages 7 %26amp; 12 - the 12 y.o. in on the autism spectrum PDD-NOS). I will begin next year to look for a teaching job. Either place, I will work as an English teacher.



    I need your input about either place: positive and negative experiences if any that a relative, friend, or yourself may have experienced. For example: neighborhood, schools, avg income, etc.



    Any information will be greatly appreciated. Thank you !Debating between relocating to Puerto Rico and Florida, please help?!?
    I live in Miami, Florida. Wouldn't recommend Miami, but other parts of Florida are nice for raising children.



    As for your teaching job, Florida has a high demand for teachers so you should not have any trouble.



    Florida is all in all a nice place. The weather is beautiful. Teachers make like 40k/yr.



    Hope this helps.

    I have questions for parents of autistic childeren.?

    Hi, I have a couple of questions. My child is about to go through testing for an Autism spectrum disorder called PDD-NOS which we are almost positive he has.

    his name is Noah and he's 5 years old.

    We have been going through all different kinds of testing and he's already almost been misdiagnosed with A.D.H.D once. He has a receptive language delay and often has a hard time socializing.

    Anyway, my first question - A lot of the people in our family do not believe what so ever that there is anything there, they don't see him everyday and they are constantly on our backs that there isnt anything wrong that he's just a late bloomer, and boys always grow slower rates than girls.. ect.

    I am getting frusterated, I don't know how to explain to them when he does get the diagnosis. what do I say?

    have any of you had the same problem?

    my other question was how old was your child when they got their diagnosis?

    Thank you!I have questions for parents of autistic childeren.?
    Hi Hun..My twin son Thomas is nine now and he has severe autism he is also non verbal, luckily sounds like your son is has it pretty mild, i say this because my son was diagnosed with autism at aged three, he wasn't talking would not play with anyone and wouldn't give eye contact, we all knew that Thomas wasn't doing things he should and all my family included, Thomas attends a special school and his still in nappies, you have to come to terms with it before you worry about your family and it does take a while, your family won't understand nor will you until you know after the assessment what your dealing with, and you will need your family support, i have added a link to my videos on youtube they show Thomas and what he is like ..if you need to talk email me anytimeI have questions for parents of autistic childeren.?
    you will ALWAYs have people judge you- even family. they will blame your parenting. they will tell you how to "fix" the problem. you are going to have to develop a thick skin and do what's best for Noah. it will suck, and you will at times feel abandoned. you have to do what's best for him no matter what others say. and trust me, they WILL tell you what they think you need to know.I have questions for parents of autistic childeren.?
    My son was diagnosed at age five. Our relatives said "there's nothing wrong with him a good spanking wouldn't cure" (they disapprove of our discipline methods and thought that was the problem). Just tell them firmly that you are the one around him and you think he may have it, but that he's getting tested so just wait and see if he does.
    I agree with others. There will always be people that will judge you. Our parents grew up in the age of "just give them a good lickin' and they'll straighten up". It's tough to change.



    It took my mom a while to understand Aspergers. Once she read up on it, she saw the signs in my son and now she can see it in other kids as well. She's done a complete 180.



    Some will never change though. You either put up with it or stay away from those people.



    My son was 9 before we got the proper dx. He was misdiagnosed with ADD for a couple years before that.