My son has autism (PDD-NOS) and Mental Retardation. My husband and I have come under the realizations that he will most likely be living with us until we can no longer physically care for him (when we get too old) and we need help setting up benefits for him to use on therapies now and for a bank account in his name for future care later. I was told by his pediatrician that he should qualify for social security benefits diagnosis wise but I am under the impression that it goes off of the parents income? So my questions:
1. Does it go off of the parents income? How does that work exactly? (Do they count dependents, cost of living and whatever else?) What are the income requirements if there are any?
2. What is the average cost of a social security attorney (I know they are out there, just have no idea what the official title is called and their costs?)Social Security Benefits for my Special Needs Child?
Yes it is income based. The allowable income depends on your # of dependents and your specific situation. Besides work income, they take into consideration assets (House, car, etc). The amount that a child gets is usually the same and does not go up or down depending on the severity of a child's needs. I would not begin with getting a lawyer, because if you do they would get much of the backpay that you would normally get if you applied yourself. It is best to apply yourself and then if your child gets denied, then get a lawyer. My son also has PDD-NOS and has been getting SSI for about 3 years now. You want to be careful in saving money for him though, because they would count it as an asset which would disqualify you for having too much money in the bank.Social Security Benefits for my Special Needs Child?
The first thing you do is call a lawyer. The system is set up to discourage people from asking for money, so chances are good your first request will be automatically denied. And then after that it's nearly impossible to get without a lawyer.
You should hire a lawyer that will work for a percentage of the lump sum you will be awarded. They usually work for 30% You should mistrust any lawyer that asks for money up front. It would be best if you can get a lawyer that someone else recommended to you by a satisfied client. My husband recently won SS, his first lawyer was referred to us by another lawyer and he was awful. The second one we got the name of from one of their clients, and they were wonderful.
The other questions you should ask the lawyer. I can't help there ... I only know how it works for disabled adults, not children.
If you want the name of the great lawyer we had, email me and I'll give it to you.
....
Our lawyer is located in a neighboring state. We communicated by mail and phone and she had no trouble coming up here for court dates. I don't know if they have to be licensed to practice in a particular state or not.Social Security Benefits for my Special Needs Child?
I get Supplemental Security Income (SSI) for my 3 year old son who also has PDD-NOS. Yes, it is income based...its not based on the severity of the disability so if your kid is more disabled than say another kid that does not mean you're going to get more money. They take into account the child's income and the income of all household members. I believe they count who you live with when taking into consideration how much you're going to get to. There are maximum payment amounts for different situations such as a "married person living with another individual" for example.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Son diagnosed with autism?
We got a second opinion that also backed up the PDD-NOS diagnose. Yesterday everything was finalized with early intervention and he will begin his classes and ABA therapy on the 22nd.
Other than that I don't really know what to do. I don't know what to do with these feelings of anger and sadness. I don't know if I should or shouldn't tell friends and family.
The two friends I have told (They both teach children with special needs) took it two very different ways. One took it really hard and told me I need to grieve and that all my feelings are valid which really PISSED me off that she was making it sound like the worst possible news. The other PROMISED me everything was going to be ok, that we caught it really early so in the future we probably wouldn't even notice it. This ALSO pissed me off because I felt like she was giving me false hope.
In conclusion anything anyone has to say is really pissing me off in a very irrational manner.
So I don't know if I should just get it over with, if saying anything is a bad idea in general or if maybe I should give it some time to adjust before answering questions.
Uhg... and my mother... there is a migraine waiting to happen.... =/Son diagnosed with autism?
I remember when my son was diagnosed. I wasn't really surprised because I KNEW something was wrong but I still had moments where I did grieve the child I wished for when I was pregnant. (you know the athletic, popular, intelligent, perfectly behaved child who never gives his parents any trouble. Ah, ignorance is bliss That child doesn't exist!) The thing is whatever you are feeling is perfectly normal. If you aren't "grieving that is OK. If you are relieved that is OK too. Just understand that those feelings might come up later...and that is normal, too.
Autism is serious stuff but it is not the end of the world. There are no guarantees, even if you caught it early. I can understand the frustration you are feeling with your friends. They just don't understand because they don't have a child with Autism. You might want to consider joining a parent support group. The members WILL understand because they are traveling the same road as you. I know the group I attended in the year after dx was very helpful to me.
Your child could improve to the point that "nobody can tell" or he could be seriously disabled no matter what treatments he receives. He is very young and you just won't know until he is older. You are doing the right thing by getting treatment now. Work with him as much as possible at home, but remember he is still a little boy and make time just to play.
I think its ok to tell friends and family so that they will accept it rather than they will know it on some people. And you don't need to worry because as long as your son acts normal then there will be no problem with it. There are many ways on how to deal behavior having this syndrome. I have here a link that maybe can help you. It provides advices, tips, guides on behavioral solutions. Hope this one will work for him.Son diagnosed with autism?
I think, you need to have the feelings you are having right now. IT is not an easy thing to hear and any parent would be feeling the same way as you are...very confused! shocked! and not know what the future brings for your child. You really cant help the way you are feeling but, talking to others, telling people, educating yourslef is the best thing you can do for you and your child. Why keep it a secret? I would maybe wait untill you are more OK and more educated, untill he has started therapy and you know what to do and how to handle things. Therapy...if you find you don't care for his therapist or that in a few months they arent helping...request another one...keep at it untill you find someone that IS helping your son. My son was in EI, we went found the right therapist on the third try.
I think you need to talk to other parents with children with PDD-NOS, in person(a help group inyour area) or find an online help group. At first, maybe an online help group would be good for you, read through the threads, ask questions and get answers from people who are dealing with chidren your childs age and with the same issues. Talking may not be what you want to do now but really, it will help you see you are not alone and there is support out there for YOU.
Since everything people are saying to you pisses you off...you are pissed off, that is OK and how you are feeling. Now, you can stay pissed off but you should start talking and telling people about it, that will help you get it all out and start dealing with it which will be the best thing for your son.
As one of your friends said..it is good they found it early so he can learn how to deal with himself and with the right therapy will be OK! fight..fight..fight, i would embrase this(when you are done grieving) and get him all the help you can now so he can thrive and be the best he can be...that is what all parents, well I do, wish for my kids, to be the best they can be. I have 2 very different children, one.."typical"i hate saying that! and one with "issues" hate saying that also. my son has anxiety issues that are very hard to deal with but I do and am doing my best to help him deal with himself and learn to live with his anxiety. He also has sensory issues which are SOOO much better because of therapy and me helping him.(I think????) you never know if they will "grow out of it" or not so, my feelings are to just get them help, if they need it fantastic, if they don't or didn't..no harm done.
I wish you the best and everything will be OK..it is what it is and all we can do is deal with it in the best way possible becoming stronger becasue of it.
This may really piss you off or not..but my kids are both in elementry school..kindergarden and 2nd grade. In my sons class..2nd grade there are 4 children who without a doubt have issues, I think 2 of them have a form of Autism but I an not a doctor...i have researched alot(i thought my son may have had it at a young age) Those parents...didn't do the right thing, ignored signs and let it go. Now there kids are suffereing, not doing well and cant really deal with alot of things they would be able to deal with if they had gotten help earlier in there short lives. Parents who ignore, pretend it isn't there, think it will go away in time....Those parents PISS me off! You may be pissed off, angry, sad, upset, want to throw something through the window but, you are aware, accept it, did the right thing by getting the second opinion. Your son is lucky..very lucky because he has a good Mother.
Your feelings are normal. Your two friends each gave advice and reactions from complete opposite views of the situation which at the very least is confusing! Also, sometimes sadness and stress are more easily expressed with anger and that may explain some of the "irrational anger" you feel. That too, is normal.
Give yourself a little time to process all your feeling and everything going on and when you are ready then figure out who and how you will tell them and all the details. If you feel ready tomorrow, then tell them then and if you feel unsure and super stressed at the thought of telling them then wait a few more days.
It really seems that however misguided their attempts were, your friends still had your best interest at heart and meant well. If you can think of someone to tell who might have more of a 'middle ground' view of the situation and could be supportive of you, then you might feel more comforted by telling and talking things over with them first and maybe getting some advice on who or how to tell next.
Also, I'm really sorry about the autism diagnosis. Of course, that is never something that you and your son should have had to deal with. I'm not sure I would "grieve" over the diagnosis because that makes things sound hopeless which is not true. Things are NOT hopeless, at all. And I don't think anyone should "promise you everything will be fine", because there will be challenges along the way even if things do end up very good. But, I will tell you that early intervention is best so you're already on the right track and the fact that he is still young is really in his favor. Because he's young he's more likely to make geater strides in time and with therapy, so try really hard to remain positive okay.
Try to remember that our job as a parent is just to help our kids reach their personal best, and that hasn't changed even though, the circumstances have. It might help you out a lot to reach out to other parents of children who are going through the same thing and to get some advice and comfort through a support group. God bless.Son diagnosed with autism?
Believe me, hon, its something you never really "get over"
You will learn how to deal with Autism while you are still learning your son. You will love him no differently than you ever did although you will have plenty of frustrating times with him. If he is your only child you will have some times when you question yourself a LOT wondering if you are doing "the wrong thing" or having incorrect expectations or "what would life be like with a neuro-typical kid?"
It doesn't matter. Follow his therapy, learn all you can, join some support groups (my favorite ones are online but there's plenty in real life that have face-to-face meetings too) and maybe even talk to a therapist some to sort out your feelings.
Yes, getting the news is tumultuous but its NOT the end of the world and as frustrating as Autism can be to deal with you will deal with it fine so long as you focus on what's important; helping your son.
Some kids progress amazingly well and some kids, not so much. Either way, you will love your child just fine, you will do what's right and things will progress. Autistic kids don't sit in a vacuum, they grow and learn too, just differently and maybe slower. You CAN handle it. There's good days and there's bad days and sometimes there's fantastic days.
Give your self sometime to adjust. You will likely have many emotions about all this-- anger, sadness, hope and perhaps some relief that you have an answer now. And probably even other emotions.
I don't know what you are going through. But I did work in the special ed department of a middle school for a while.. So I worked with some autistic kids from time to time. And I worked with many other kids with a myriad of other disabilities. And I can tell you that there are some great therapies for all levels of autism. And some kids respond better than others. And some it just takes time to figure out what works best for that child. But all kids do progress.
But just like any other unwanted or unexpected change in life, it does take time for all this to sink in. And for you to get used to it. But you will. Just don't tell yourself you need to respond in any certain way. Because there is no right or wrong answer for how you show be feeling and dealing with this right now.
Take care.
Other than that I don't really know what to do. I don't know what to do with these feelings of anger and sadness. I don't know if I should or shouldn't tell friends and family.
The two friends I have told (They both teach children with special needs) took it two very different ways. One took it really hard and told me I need to grieve and that all my feelings are valid which really PISSED me off that she was making it sound like the worst possible news. The other PROMISED me everything was going to be ok, that we caught it really early so in the future we probably wouldn't even notice it. This ALSO pissed me off because I felt like she was giving me false hope.
In conclusion anything anyone has to say is really pissing me off in a very irrational manner.
So I don't know if I should just get it over with, if saying anything is a bad idea in general or if maybe I should give it some time to adjust before answering questions.
Uhg... and my mother... there is a migraine waiting to happen.... =/Son diagnosed with autism?
I remember when my son was diagnosed. I wasn't really surprised because I KNEW something was wrong but I still had moments where I did grieve the child I wished for when I was pregnant. (you know the athletic, popular, intelligent, perfectly behaved child who never gives his parents any trouble. Ah, ignorance is bliss That child doesn't exist!) The thing is whatever you are feeling is perfectly normal. If you aren't "grieving that is OK. If you are relieved that is OK too. Just understand that those feelings might come up later...and that is normal, too.
Autism is serious stuff but it is not the end of the world. There are no guarantees, even if you caught it early. I can understand the frustration you are feeling with your friends. They just don't understand because they don't have a child with Autism. You might want to consider joining a parent support group. The members WILL understand because they are traveling the same road as you. I know the group I attended in the year after dx was very helpful to me.
Your child could improve to the point that "nobody can tell" or he could be seriously disabled no matter what treatments he receives. He is very young and you just won't know until he is older. You are doing the right thing by getting treatment now. Work with him as much as possible at home, but remember he is still a little boy and make time just to play.
I think its ok to tell friends and family so that they will accept it rather than they will know it on some people. And you don't need to worry because as long as your son acts normal then there will be no problem with it. There are many ways on how to deal behavior having this syndrome. I have here a link that maybe can help you. It provides advices, tips, guides on behavioral solutions. Hope this one will work for him.Son diagnosed with autism?
I think, you need to have the feelings you are having right now. IT is not an easy thing to hear and any parent would be feeling the same way as you are...very confused! shocked! and not know what the future brings for your child. You really cant help the way you are feeling but, talking to others, telling people, educating yourslef is the best thing you can do for you and your child. Why keep it a secret? I would maybe wait untill you are more OK and more educated, untill he has started therapy and you know what to do and how to handle things. Therapy...if you find you don't care for his therapist or that in a few months they arent helping...request another one...keep at it untill you find someone that IS helping your son. My son was in EI, we went found the right therapist on the third try.
I think you need to talk to other parents with children with PDD-NOS, in person(a help group inyour area) or find an online help group. At first, maybe an online help group would be good for you, read through the threads, ask questions and get answers from people who are dealing with chidren your childs age and with the same issues. Talking may not be what you want to do now but really, it will help you see you are not alone and there is support out there for YOU.
Since everything people are saying to you pisses you off...you are pissed off, that is OK and how you are feeling. Now, you can stay pissed off but you should start talking and telling people about it, that will help you get it all out and start dealing with it which will be the best thing for your son.
As one of your friends said..it is good they found it early so he can learn how to deal with himself and with the right therapy will be OK! fight..fight..fight, i would embrase this(when you are done grieving) and get him all the help you can now so he can thrive and be the best he can be...that is what all parents, well I do, wish for my kids, to be the best they can be. I have 2 very different children, one.."typical"i hate saying that! and one with "issues" hate saying that also. my son has anxiety issues that are very hard to deal with but I do and am doing my best to help him deal with himself and learn to live with his anxiety. He also has sensory issues which are SOOO much better because of therapy and me helping him.(I think????) you never know if they will "grow out of it" or not so, my feelings are to just get them help, if they need it fantastic, if they don't or didn't..no harm done.
I wish you the best and everything will be OK..it is what it is and all we can do is deal with it in the best way possible becoming stronger becasue of it.
This may really piss you off or not..but my kids are both in elementry school..kindergarden and 2nd grade. In my sons class..2nd grade there are 4 children who without a doubt have issues, I think 2 of them have a form of Autism but I an not a doctor...i have researched alot(i thought my son may have had it at a young age) Those parents...didn't do the right thing, ignored signs and let it go. Now there kids are suffereing, not doing well and cant really deal with alot of things they would be able to deal with if they had gotten help earlier in there short lives. Parents who ignore, pretend it isn't there, think it will go away in time....Those parents PISS me off! You may be pissed off, angry, sad, upset, want to throw something through the window but, you are aware, accept it, did the right thing by getting the second opinion. Your son is lucky..very lucky because he has a good Mother.
Your feelings are normal. Your two friends each gave advice and reactions from complete opposite views of the situation which at the very least is confusing! Also, sometimes sadness and stress are more easily expressed with anger and that may explain some of the "irrational anger" you feel. That too, is normal.
Give yourself a little time to process all your feeling and everything going on and when you are ready then figure out who and how you will tell them and all the details. If you feel ready tomorrow, then tell them then and if you feel unsure and super stressed at the thought of telling them then wait a few more days.
It really seems that however misguided their attempts were, your friends still had your best interest at heart and meant well. If you can think of someone to tell who might have more of a 'middle ground' view of the situation and could be supportive of you, then you might feel more comforted by telling and talking things over with them first and maybe getting some advice on who or how to tell next.
Also, I'm really sorry about the autism diagnosis. Of course, that is never something that you and your son should have had to deal with. I'm not sure I would "grieve" over the diagnosis because that makes things sound hopeless which is not true. Things are NOT hopeless, at all. And I don't think anyone should "promise you everything will be fine", because there will be challenges along the way even if things do end up very good. But, I will tell you that early intervention is best so you're already on the right track and the fact that he is still young is really in his favor. Because he's young he's more likely to make geater strides in time and with therapy, so try really hard to remain positive okay.
Try to remember that our job as a parent is just to help our kids reach their personal best, and that hasn't changed even though, the circumstances have. It might help you out a lot to reach out to other parents of children who are going through the same thing and to get some advice and comfort through a support group. God bless.Son diagnosed with autism?
Believe me, hon, its something you never really "get over"
You will learn how to deal with Autism while you are still learning your son. You will love him no differently than you ever did although you will have plenty of frustrating times with him. If he is your only child you will have some times when you question yourself a LOT wondering if you are doing "the wrong thing" or having incorrect expectations or "what would life be like with a neuro-typical kid?"
It doesn't matter. Follow his therapy, learn all you can, join some support groups (my favorite ones are online but there's plenty in real life that have face-to-face meetings too) and maybe even talk to a therapist some to sort out your feelings.
Yes, getting the news is tumultuous but its NOT the end of the world and as frustrating as Autism can be to deal with you will deal with it fine so long as you focus on what's important; helping your son.
Some kids progress amazingly well and some kids, not so much. Either way, you will love your child just fine, you will do what's right and things will progress. Autistic kids don't sit in a vacuum, they grow and learn too, just differently and maybe slower. You CAN handle it. There's good days and there's bad days and sometimes there's fantastic days.
Give your self sometime to adjust. You will likely have many emotions about all this-- anger, sadness, hope and perhaps some relief that you have an answer now. And probably even other emotions.
I don't know what you are going through. But I did work in the special ed department of a middle school for a while.. So I worked with some autistic kids from time to time. And I worked with many other kids with a myriad of other disabilities. And I can tell you that there are some great therapies for all levels of autism. And some kids respond better than others. And some it just takes time to figure out what works best for that child. But all kids do progress.
But just like any other unwanted or unexpected change in life, it does take time for all this to sink in. And for you to get used to it. But you will. Just don't tell yourself you need to respond in any certain way. Because there is no right or wrong answer for how you show be feeling and dealing with this right now.
Take care.
Can autism cause people to do things that is clearly abuse but seeing it purely as play?
My friends 12 yer old daughter who has PDD-NOS picks up my cat by his hind legs for a few seconds as she shrieks thrashes and struggles to get back up right. She also squeezes her hard until he squeels and on once occasion chased him hideously for about 1 minute then hid from him then when she walked in front of him he darted away from her. She is a very shy girl and whenever shouted at breaks down and cries uncontrollably for hours. I love her as if she were my own daughter. I just don't how to handle this situation.Can autism cause people to do things that is clearly abuse but seeing it purely as play?
Children and adults with autism literally live in their own version of the world. I would say that it is very possible that the girl does not intend to hurt your cat.
However, that doesn't mean that is is not abuse. You cannot allow anyone to harm your animals, no matter who they are. I would suggest that you eliminate this girl's contact with your cat, even if you don't like the idea of taking the cat away from her. I would separate them so that your cat or the girl is not harmed. It would be awful if one time that she picks up your cat she dislocates a hip and then your cat bites the girl... talk about a worst case scenario that is completely plausible. I know it's hard to take things away from kids, but it would honestly be in everyone's best interest to stop them from interacting.
I work with children for a living, many of them have been children with autism. As with any child this can be a learning experience for her. Yes, what she is doing is wrong, but she probably doesn't realize it. Perhaps you should talk to your friends first, then one or both of you can sit the child down and explain to her that what she's doing is hurting the cat and teach her appropriate behaviors when playing with pets. Just be gentle but firm.
If that doesn't work, you could try keeping that cat in another room when she visits, and let her play with the cat in short supervised sessions. Gradually increase her exposure over time after she's shown she knows how to handle the cat and she'll learn that it's a living, breathing creature just like she is.
Hope that helps!Can autism cause people to do things that is clearly abuse but seeing it purely as play?
When your friends come over with their daughter, put your cat in another room and keep the door closed until they leave. Just don't let the child and cat interact at all. You don't want your cat to be hurt and you don't want to yell at the girl, so separating them at all times is the best solution for everyone.
kids have to be taught how to act around animals. so if they can't be taught, i guess so.Can autism cause people to do things that is clearly abuse but seeing it purely as play?
There is a child in my family who has aspergers -- and he loves my cats..... and he will chase them and be too rough if not monitored. When they recently stayed with me I spent a lot of time yelling at him to not chase the cats.
He tried to pull one out from under a piece of furniture and got scratched for his efforts.... and told that it was his own fault since he'd been told repeatedly to leave them alone if they're hiding under the furniture...... by the time they left (about a week) he'd started to figure it out, but it was rough going.... and he's high functioning.... so if the girl in question isn't high functioning and not getting that level of contact with the cats for it to have a chance to sink in..... you just need to keep the cat away from her.
You can try sitting her down and telling her that you know she loves the cat and means well, but that she's simply too rough with the cat and you're afraid the cat will get hurt, or the cat will scratch her to get away, so you're going to keep them apart.
But yeah, chances are if you have her and the cat together you're going to have to watch her carefully and yell when she's being too rough.... and if yelling at her results in a melt-down at that level, you probably want to avoid that.
Children and adults with autism literally live in their own version of the world. I would say that it is very possible that the girl does not intend to hurt your cat.
However, that doesn't mean that is is not abuse. You cannot allow anyone to harm your animals, no matter who they are. I would suggest that you eliminate this girl's contact with your cat, even if you don't like the idea of taking the cat away from her. I would separate them so that your cat or the girl is not harmed. It would be awful if one time that she picks up your cat she dislocates a hip and then your cat bites the girl... talk about a worst case scenario that is completely plausible. I know it's hard to take things away from kids, but it would honestly be in everyone's best interest to stop them from interacting.
I work with children for a living, many of them have been children with autism. As with any child this can be a learning experience for her. Yes, what she is doing is wrong, but she probably doesn't realize it. Perhaps you should talk to your friends first, then one or both of you can sit the child down and explain to her that what she's doing is hurting the cat and teach her appropriate behaviors when playing with pets. Just be gentle but firm.
If that doesn't work, you could try keeping that cat in another room when she visits, and let her play with the cat in short supervised sessions. Gradually increase her exposure over time after she's shown she knows how to handle the cat and she'll learn that it's a living, breathing creature just like she is.
Hope that helps!Can autism cause people to do things that is clearly abuse but seeing it purely as play?
When your friends come over with their daughter, put your cat in another room and keep the door closed until they leave. Just don't let the child and cat interact at all. You don't want your cat to be hurt and you don't want to yell at the girl, so separating them at all times is the best solution for everyone.
kids have to be taught how to act around animals. so if they can't be taught, i guess so.Can autism cause people to do things that is clearly abuse but seeing it purely as play?
There is a child in my family who has aspergers -- and he loves my cats..... and he will chase them and be too rough if not monitored. When they recently stayed with me I spent a lot of time yelling at him to not chase the cats.
He tried to pull one out from under a piece of furniture and got scratched for his efforts.... and told that it was his own fault since he'd been told repeatedly to leave them alone if they're hiding under the furniture...... by the time they left (about a week) he'd started to figure it out, but it was rough going.... and he's high functioning.... so if the girl in question isn't high functioning and not getting that level of contact with the cats for it to have a chance to sink in..... you just need to keep the cat away from her.
You can try sitting her down and telling her that you know she loves the cat and means well, but that she's simply too rough with the cat and you're afraid the cat will get hurt, or the cat will scratch her to get away, so you're going to keep them apart.
But yeah, chances are if you have her and the cat together you're going to have to watch her carefully and yell when she's being too rough.... and if yelling at her results in a melt-down at that level, you probably want to avoid that.
My wife is only concerned with HER needs and refuses to care for mine; is she selfish? (long details) Help?
Whenever I ask questions on here, my wife tells me that I exaggerate the truths; I want to start by telling you that I'm going to try REALLY hard not to. Sorry it's long...
Details:
My marriage is VERY nontraditional. We met on the internet, we chatted online for 6 months online, we did voice/cam chat, then she decided to meet me by driving 2 hours on 9/11/01.
10/01 after fighting with my parents who didn't understand my ADHD (professionally diagnosed), I ran away and lived in my car. 11/01, my wife and I moved in with each other in my neighborhood (2 hours from her home). 12/01, she was pregnant. 07/02 our son was born. 02/03, I got a salary manager job in retail. 07/04, we got married. 10/04 we bought a house. 06/05 my wife was pregnant again with my daughter. In 03/06, my daughter was born. 06/08, my wife got her associate's degree. 01/09, we moved to another house. 04/09, my son was diagnosed with ADHD by a pediatrician. 04/10, I lost my 8 year career that supported the family and finally started college. 09/10, my son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Autism) by a specialist.
Reason for the time line is so you can see how fast things were; we didn't take any time to stop and get to know each other, we just kept moving forward. But we were like two magnets, some days we were inseparable; but most days we spent arguing. We didn't know ANYTHING about each other, the things we "knew" about each other were "assumptions" and not the facts.
Situation:
I think my wife is selfish. She won't do anything just to "make me happy".
When I was working, I was working 11+ hours a week (includes driving). I tried to help with the chores the best that I could, but after working long hours and dealing with people all day (and my ADHD tendencies) I was exhausted; even on my days off, I spent it trying to recover from being overwhelmed and sensory overloaded. My wife didn't have much of a social life for most of our marriage, she had to watch the kids and no one would watch them so she could "go out with the girls".
Now that I'm home, my wife is extremely happy (I'm glad). And even though the roles are now nontraditional, I'm okay with the reciprocal role; it gives me time to spend with my kids (that I never had) and it gives me time to grasp/understand ADHD.
Since home, I've been 100% responsible for all the same things she was; I do all the housework, all the laundry, all the cleaning, I'm responsible for the kids, and I do all of that while attending classes online. I fall off the bandwagon sometimes because of the ADHD but for the most part, I keep up with it all on a daily basis. I typically do all the cooking but lately we've been sharing that task because I haven't been in the mood to do it (frequent anxiety issues lately).
Okay so now on to the selfish issue:
My wife is all about HER. For a while there, I couldn't blame her, I mean it's been all about the kids and me; now is HER time. I think our marriage is 95/5 right now. When she comes home from work (45 hours; includes driving), she jumps on the computer. She'll take breaks from her self fulfillment to see the kids and help make dinner but for the most part, she's doing some form of activity on the computer while she's home/awake. Even while she's home, I take on 95% of the responsibilities and I'm often ignored over the computer. The kids go to sleep late (11pm), by bed time I'm too exhausted to fight with them any longer. When they're asleep, my wife will do one of the following: go to sleep herself, ask for pampering (backrub, zit popping, ect), ask to watch a show with me (True Blood), or have sex (but never do what I enjoy - oral). On her days off, she'll spend most of her days off on the computer, hanging with her girlfriends with and without kids, or going to birthday parties with the kids. Basically, it's ALL about her, her, her.
Solution I want:
I want to take the 95/5 and bring it back to a safe 80/20... I want her to give me a bj for a good job once and a while (even if she hates it, I don't ENJOY doing laundry but I do it). I want her to give ME a day off. I want HER to understand my ADHD and care about my extra "needs" until I can control it (without medication). I want her to dress up for me instead of wear jeans and a tshirt (which was acceptable as a SAHM but not as a working mom). I told her all this, but MOST of the time she'll just give me lip service and say "okay, I'll try" and then does nothing.
I don't know, help me!!! My wife REFUSES to go to a marriage counselor because she swears up and down that she's not the issue and it's me (which it could be since I have ADHD and maybe Autism like my son); but if it was my fault, she needs to understand that it's due to a medical issue, I'm *not* doing it ON PURPOSE.
What%26amp;#39|||You see the truth of the situation pretty well. It will probably not change.
She doesn't appreciate you.
What might work for you, if you follow through on it, is to:
1. ACT LIKE YOU DON'T NEED HER.
2. Be very attractive, dress nicely, be motivated about your own interests, Be outgoing and confident with other people
3. Make plans with other people, like in groups where there are unattached women. (But don't flirt with them or anything, but it is okay if she thinks you are.)
4 Don't be all that nice to her either. Act disinterested and reluctant when you "have" to do things with her. Complement other women in front of her but tell her she needs to work on her appearance.
If she offers to go with you say, "No. Why don't you stay and find something else to do?"
Enjoy the kids but when she wants to join in, act reluctant, and end up leaving after a short time, like she it is not fun to be with her. There are better things you can do.
Don't have sex, and if she asks, refuse.
If you're desperate, don't act like it Make it really good, make her think you are into her but don't ask her to do it the way you want it. Make her want more. Then just finish and go do something else right away.
Anyways, do this wholeheartedly, consistently.
There's something called the "Valentino" effect if you do it right.
It's the only hope I see for you--that she'll retink how much she wants you.
Go all the way with it. Valentino would make love passionately enjoying the woman and then, when he was done with her,would just push her away and leave. It drove the women crazy.
.
When things improve you can show you care but not until she appreciates you first.|||You lost me @ 'zit-popping'|||um kool|||Your right...this is looong!
I think...more than anything, you need to find a social life of your own. if your wife wont go to counseling its because she refuses to own up to her share of the problem causing...and in that case, she wont change, no matter how bad you want it to happen.
You need to focus more on yourself, because, bottom line...your happiness is for you to get yourself...not so much for someone to give to you. You should go to counseling yourself...without her. This will teach you the tools you need to either deal with surviving this one sided relationship and build on it...or give you the strength to walk away from it.
and you may want to "start over" so to speak...and you and your wife make time to spend together so that you can get to know each other better....go on dates...have quality time with each other.|||she has done what you are doing now, for 9 years
she is at long last tasting life outside the home, and something for herself
its gonna take time for her to calm down and establish both home %26amp; career lives
comparing laundry %26amp; a BJ?
hmmmmmmmm
you say she hates doing it, why ask her to do something she hates?
none of love doing laundry, its just one of those necessities
ok your sexual preferences would be nice to be taken care of too, but if she doesnt feel she wants to do this to please you, i dont think you can change her mind sadly
asking her to dress up
maybe she feels she has to do so all week long so at home relaxing she wants to be a bot more casual, maybe arrange a nice trip out with the children when she is off, go for a nice lunch, she will soon dress up then and it gives you good times together as a family
i think looking after your children has exhausted her and maybe your ADHD has paled against your child's, she needs to understand your condition more and how it affects you, only then will she perhaps understand %26amp; help more|||Now that you know how she felt for 8 years, you should be a bit more understanding. She's free! Oh, for my husband to switch roles like that with me. I have been a SAHM for over 9 years and my 9-yr old is autistic. I noticed he was different when he was a few weeks old and over-sensitive. He cried for no apparent reason, was unconsolable for hours. Hubby came home from work after I finally got him to sleep. He filled his belly and went to sleep too. I had another 3 kids, all the housework and fighting with them, no time to myself, at all. Did you ever ask how her day was, give her an evening or a weekend off to pamper herself? If you think that helping with dinner occasionally makes up for ignoring her all the rest of the time then you got another think coming. Reach a compromise, is all I can tell you. Get a sitter sometimes and go out to dinner, you two. Go on a date. Treat her special and when you get home she may actually consider some of your wishes. Take her someplace where the dress code does not condone a tshirt and jeans. Good luck.|||wow all i can say is rather than having random people on the internet agree with u, try and work it out. life is not always about you and i am sure she does not blame you for your son. but think of it this ways there are people in like china who work in factory, get no pay, and work longer hours. so don't ***** about your wife.|||This is my own opinion: I think you lean a lot on your ADHD. Whatever is going on with your wife and yourself is something that doesn't need any other blame in the talking space. Yes, both of you have gone through a lot in such a short time. You running away, her getting pregnant, the first move, your children, and so on, is enough already to concentrate on. When people have crutches for compassion, they use them all too much. (I've had a bad life, so I deserve. I am hurting, I deserve. You don't understand me, so I deserve.) Doesn't mean that any said person should have more or less of a life because of their issues. You and she have a lot of hard times between you to work through. Sometimes when we talk about things, we skirt the true issues and only hear what we want to hear. In every piece of truth, we are only seeing things from one side. Ours. If it is worth working out, only you and your heart knows what you can do about it.|||Heres my day........
Get up at 5am shower, dress, make lunches for kids, start breakfast, get 2 kids up, get them showered, dressed, breakfast, load car with homework, football gear.
Drop them off at school go to work till 5pm go to daycare pick them up. Go to football practice till 7pm go home start supper, work on their homeowrk with them, feed cat and dog, feed the kids supper ,wash dishes, throw on a load of laundry, take out the trash, dry laundry, fold put away. Get kids to bed. Then I go to bed. Husband no f**king help. He might roll the trash can to the end of the driveway sometimes.
Saturday I do yard work, football games, kids.
Who has time or energy for anything else????? Not me!
BTW....Husband and I are in a miserable life togehter but the only difference between you and me is I don't complain. I tried and gave up. I don't have the energy to fight with someone who has no intenetion of ever changing.|||Honestly, I think your wife is right. You complain a lot - if I did that, my wife would have told me to suck it up and be a man.
You're finding all sorts of reasons to blame, and of course, nothing is your fault - you just want a bj and for her to dress up for you.|||you whine that she cares about her needs, yet here you are whining about your needs.
pot, meet kettle.
Details:
My marriage is VERY nontraditional. We met on the internet, we chatted online for 6 months online, we did voice/cam chat, then she decided to meet me by driving 2 hours on 9/11/01.
10/01 after fighting with my parents who didn't understand my ADHD (professionally diagnosed), I ran away and lived in my car. 11/01, my wife and I moved in with each other in my neighborhood (2 hours from her home). 12/01, she was pregnant. 07/02 our son was born. 02/03, I got a salary manager job in retail. 07/04, we got married. 10/04 we bought a house. 06/05 my wife was pregnant again with my daughter. In 03/06, my daughter was born. 06/08, my wife got her associate's degree. 01/09, we moved to another house. 04/09, my son was diagnosed with ADHD by a pediatrician. 04/10, I lost my 8 year career that supported the family and finally started college. 09/10, my son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Autism) by a specialist.
Reason for the time line is so you can see how fast things were; we didn't take any time to stop and get to know each other, we just kept moving forward. But we were like two magnets, some days we were inseparable; but most days we spent arguing. We didn't know ANYTHING about each other, the things we "knew" about each other were "assumptions" and not the facts.
Situation:
I think my wife is selfish. She won't do anything just to "make me happy".
When I was working, I was working 11+ hours a week (includes driving). I tried to help with the chores the best that I could, but after working long hours and dealing with people all day (and my ADHD tendencies) I was exhausted; even on my days off, I spent it trying to recover from being overwhelmed and sensory overloaded. My wife didn't have much of a social life for most of our marriage, she had to watch the kids and no one would watch them so she could "go out with the girls".
Now that I'm home, my wife is extremely happy (I'm glad). And even though the roles are now nontraditional, I'm okay with the reciprocal role; it gives me time to spend with my kids (that I never had) and it gives me time to grasp/understand ADHD.
Since home, I've been 100% responsible for all the same things she was; I do all the housework, all the laundry, all the cleaning, I'm responsible for the kids, and I do all of that while attending classes online. I fall off the bandwagon sometimes because of the ADHD but for the most part, I keep up with it all on a daily basis. I typically do all the cooking but lately we've been sharing that task because I haven't been in the mood to do it (frequent anxiety issues lately).
Okay so now on to the selfish issue:
My wife is all about HER. For a while there, I couldn't blame her, I mean it's been all about the kids and me; now is HER time. I think our marriage is 95/5 right now. When she comes home from work (45 hours; includes driving), she jumps on the computer. She'll take breaks from her self fulfillment to see the kids and help make dinner but for the most part, she's doing some form of activity on the computer while she's home/awake. Even while she's home, I take on 95% of the responsibilities and I'm often ignored over the computer. The kids go to sleep late (11pm), by bed time I'm too exhausted to fight with them any longer. When they're asleep, my wife will do one of the following: go to sleep herself, ask for pampering (backrub, zit popping, ect), ask to watch a show with me (True Blood), or have sex (but never do what I enjoy - oral). On her days off, she'll spend most of her days off on the computer, hanging with her girlfriends with and without kids, or going to birthday parties with the kids. Basically, it's ALL about her, her, her.
Solution I want:
I want to take the 95/5 and bring it back to a safe 80/20... I want her to give me a bj for a good job once and a while (even if she hates it, I don't ENJOY doing laundry but I do it). I want her to give ME a day off. I want HER to understand my ADHD and care about my extra "needs" until I can control it (without medication). I want her to dress up for me instead of wear jeans and a tshirt (which was acceptable as a SAHM but not as a working mom). I told her all this, but MOST of the time she'll just give me lip service and say "okay, I'll try" and then does nothing.
I don't know, help me!!! My wife REFUSES to go to a marriage counselor because she swears up and down that she's not the issue and it's me (which it could be since I have ADHD and maybe Autism like my son); but if it was my fault, she needs to understand that it's due to a medical issue, I'm *not* doing it ON PURPOSE.
What%26amp;#39|||You see the truth of the situation pretty well. It will probably not change.
She doesn't appreciate you.
What might work for you, if you follow through on it, is to:
1. ACT LIKE YOU DON'T NEED HER.
2. Be very attractive, dress nicely, be motivated about your own interests, Be outgoing and confident with other people
3. Make plans with other people, like in groups where there are unattached women. (But don't flirt with them or anything, but it is okay if she thinks you are.)
4 Don't be all that nice to her either. Act disinterested and reluctant when you "have" to do things with her. Complement other women in front of her but tell her she needs to work on her appearance.
If she offers to go with you say, "No. Why don't you stay and find something else to do?"
Enjoy the kids but when she wants to join in, act reluctant, and end up leaving after a short time, like she it is not fun to be with her. There are better things you can do.
Don't have sex, and if she asks, refuse.
If you're desperate, don't act like it Make it really good, make her think you are into her but don't ask her to do it the way you want it. Make her want more. Then just finish and go do something else right away.
Anyways, do this wholeheartedly, consistently.
There's something called the "Valentino" effect if you do it right.
It's the only hope I see for you--that she'll retink how much she wants you.
Go all the way with it. Valentino would make love passionately enjoying the woman and then, when he was done with her,would just push her away and leave. It drove the women crazy.
.
When things improve you can show you care but not until she appreciates you first.|||You lost me @ 'zit-popping'|||um kool|||Your right...this is looong!
I think...more than anything, you need to find a social life of your own. if your wife wont go to counseling its because she refuses to own up to her share of the problem causing...and in that case, she wont change, no matter how bad you want it to happen.
You need to focus more on yourself, because, bottom line...your happiness is for you to get yourself...not so much for someone to give to you. You should go to counseling yourself...without her. This will teach you the tools you need to either deal with surviving this one sided relationship and build on it...or give you the strength to walk away from it.
and you may want to "start over" so to speak...and you and your wife make time to spend together so that you can get to know each other better....go on dates...have quality time with each other.|||she has done what you are doing now, for 9 years
she is at long last tasting life outside the home, and something for herself
its gonna take time for her to calm down and establish both home %26amp; career lives
comparing laundry %26amp; a BJ?
hmmmmmmmm
you say she hates doing it, why ask her to do something she hates?
none of love doing laundry, its just one of those necessities
ok your sexual preferences would be nice to be taken care of too, but if she doesnt feel she wants to do this to please you, i dont think you can change her mind sadly
asking her to dress up
maybe she feels she has to do so all week long so at home relaxing she wants to be a bot more casual, maybe arrange a nice trip out with the children when she is off, go for a nice lunch, she will soon dress up then and it gives you good times together as a family
i think looking after your children has exhausted her and maybe your ADHD has paled against your child's, she needs to understand your condition more and how it affects you, only then will she perhaps understand %26amp; help more|||Now that you know how she felt for 8 years, you should be a bit more understanding. She's free! Oh, for my husband to switch roles like that with me. I have been a SAHM for over 9 years and my 9-yr old is autistic. I noticed he was different when he was a few weeks old and over-sensitive. He cried for no apparent reason, was unconsolable for hours. Hubby came home from work after I finally got him to sleep. He filled his belly and went to sleep too. I had another 3 kids, all the housework and fighting with them, no time to myself, at all. Did you ever ask how her day was, give her an evening or a weekend off to pamper herself? If you think that helping with dinner occasionally makes up for ignoring her all the rest of the time then you got another think coming. Reach a compromise, is all I can tell you. Get a sitter sometimes and go out to dinner, you two. Go on a date. Treat her special and when you get home she may actually consider some of your wishes. Take her someplace where the dress code does not condone a tshirt and jeans. Good luck.|||wow all i can say is rather than having random people on the internet agree with u, try and work it out. life is not always about you and i am sure she does not blame you for your son. but think of it this ways there are people in like china who work in factory, get no pay, and work longer hours. so don't ***** about your wife.|||This is my own opinion: I think you lean a lot on your ADHD. Whatever is going on with your wife and yourself is something that doesn't need any other blame in the talking space. Yes, both of you have gone through a lot in such a short time. You running away, her getting pregnant, the first move, your children, and so on, is enough already to concentrate on. When people have crutches for compassion, they use them all too much. (I've had a bad life, so I deserve. I am hurting, I deserve. You don't understand me, so I deserve.) Doesn't mean that any said person should have more or less of a life because of their issues. You and she have a lot of hard times between you to work through. Sometimes when we talk about things, we skirt the true issues and only hear what we want to hear. In every piece of truth, we are only seeing things from one side. Ours. If it is worth working out, only you and your heart knows what you can do about it.|||Heres my day........
Get up at 5am shower, dress, make lunches for kids, start breakfast, get 2 kids up, get them showered, dressed, breakfast, load car with homework, football gear.
Drop them off at school go to work till 5pm go to daycare pick them up. Go to football practice till 7pm go home start supper, work on their homeowrk with them, feed cat and dog, feed the kids supper ,wash dishes, throw on a load of laundry, take out the trash, dry laundry, fold put away. Get kids to bed. Then I go to bed. Husband no f**king help. He might roll the trash can to the end of the driveway sometimes.
Saturday I do yard work, football games, kids.
Who has time or energy for anything else????? Not me!
BTW....Husband and I are in a miserable life togehter but the only difference between you and me is I don't complain. I tried and gave up. I don't have the energy to fight with someone who has no intenetion of ever changing.|||Honestly, I think your wife is right. You complain a lot - if I did that, my wife would have told me to suck it up and be a man.
You're finding all sorts of reasons to blame, and of course, nothing is your fault - you just want a bj and for her to dress up for you.|||you whine that she cares about her needs, yet here you are whining about your needs.
pot, meet kettle.
Autism? Help please.?
I was reading this about autism:
http://www.journalgazette.net/apps/pbcs.鈥?/a>
and it says a woman wasn't diagnosed with autism (actually PDD-NOS) until she was 37 and it's sometimes missed in females.
And it says, "Girls with disorders on the autism spectrum are often perceived as just being shy, Buskirk says."
So, how are girls diagnosed? Like the ones that have been diagnosed, how did you find out if people think you're just a bit odd or shy?
Also, are the symptoms different in older girls, like teens, adults?
I don't think i have it, although i do have some of the symptoms, such as toe-walking, lack of eye contact, sensitive to certain things - things ( like 'flashes' ) hurt my eyes easily, no friends my own age (i get on better with older people or foreign people), i don't know how to start a conversation/ continue a conversation and a bunch of other things.
Although those could be for other reasons i think. People just think i'm 'odd' or 'different' or 'very shy'.Autism? Help please.?
I suggest you read Asperger's and Girls by Tony Attwood.
Well, that's something that may be very true indeed.
Even though I have been totally socialy inept and silent and had a stange way of understanding things, and even though I was capable of making my teachers bug on any subject before even being 12, no one noticed that I was an autist.
My father thought that having a perfect flat tone, not understanding the basics of self care, thinking that all events in this world are an illusion that hide a pattern, was perfectly normal, and my mother just feard that I was schyzophrenic because I hated body contact, never hugged and rarely smiled. (I alos talked in a straight way without respecting what they call: empathy)
People around me thought that the fact that I sit in a place and don't move or talk was just shyness!
only one teacher noticed and asked me to bring my parents (what I never bothered to aknowledge, or do), but when she met my mother by some sort of luck my mother could not believe her and told her that I was just a talented and perfectly sane person who was just a little shy.
At 8 years old I began copying people, (and failing miserably at even making a conversation, since I just learned and repeated what I heard other people say), but after a time I just gave up on stupid relationships and acted anti socially.
I was so unable to understand the world where I lived that I had a split personality disorder at the age of 12. Then I was not only an autsit, but a sociopath too... People were completely unable to notice anything by that time, because I finally kind of mastered the art of copy.
I never knew that I was autistic till the day where I decided to repeat aloud all my thoughts from age 4. Because I understood thanks to a single line in a book that I was the odd one, and not the rest of humanity.
Seriousely, I don't know about others, but I think that society expect a boy to be more "ALIVE", so it misses the fact that he's autistic a little less.
My grandmother is an asperger, and I was the only one to notice. I feel bad for her. I hate when high IQ is wasted.Autism? Help please.?
here is a general principle which you can choose to employ
a concept called karma and this seems to be the only thing stopping us from achieving , health wealth and happiness One of the most powerful allies to any person is to know about karma therapy for if you understand this you can even
Avoid getting health or wealth or happiness problems
Or if you currently have problems in those areas Give you the most effective tool, which I have come across to help you alleviate them.
This is the tool The value of givingPutting something or some service into society is one of the most transforming tools with which we all benefit . The value of it is much higher than we can possibly know and it should be included as part of everyone鈥檚 health program. The giver may ask how will helping others help my health and me! That is a very good question, which is very worthy of a serious amount of thought. This touches on the concept which is called karma .
For if one truly wants to live with the great allies of Health, wealth, happiness, Love and all those effects which one values one should really understand this concept. It is the only thing, which explains the apparent randomness of the effects, which come upon people.
Effects are all aspects of health, Wealth, Richness, [note these two are separate] Happiness etc.What is karma? Put simply it is the law of cause and effect. Or put as another way as you sow so shall you reap, or what goes around comes around. What do we mean by sowing? Simply every action or deed you do causes an effect and every thought causes an effect.
So if you have sown good deeds as in helping others, being of service, giving love and Kindness for lengthy periods of time you can expect to reap those seeds. Alternatively if we have sown other deeds and thoughts of a hurtful nature we can expect problems of one nature or another to beset us. Edgar Cayce frequently mentioned in treating disease that we were working against karma and frequently told people that they would get well faster by helping others.
Ah you may say why is it that babies are sometimes born with so many impediments; they have not sown wrongful acts.Yes they have not in this lifetime but what about their previous lives as in reincarnation. You may not wish to go into this subject at this time but there are millions of references to it, some in the bible and a lot of eastern religions, some people can actually remember their past lives.
There is now even past life regression therapy used in hypnosis to treat phobias, which are not connected with this lifetime.
now listen to this next concept really carefully
If we are unwell and by implication therefore suffering from past seeds sown it follows therefore one of the fastest ways to get well is to incorporate into your treatment plan service or giving to somebody as often as you can .
Ask for opportunities to be of service .I have proved this concept on a daily basis and feel that this concept is so important in all types of healing and to achieve other effects like having friends ,enriching experiences, money and other effect which we all need.
Just a few examples of how we can be of service 鈥揼iving Sharing our being, our wealth, sending our thoughts, giving to charity, sharing a joke, uplifting someone, giving listening time, giving healing, giving labour, giving love, giving entertainment, giving food, giving information and a million more ways.
Edgar cayce gave many thousands of examples of karma at work ,he even told one person who asked to be healed that to cure him of this thing would be to no avail as another would surely come .
As you can see from this statement the man has got to work it off ,this apply to us all and its not just health either that this applies to .Virtually every effect you can name .
All is seen ,all is heard, all is felt.
The wise among you will take the attitude of discovering the areas of service you have to make amends on before effects of ill health reach you whether it be cancer, Parkinson鈥檚 blindness or what have you.
So I strongly advise that you engage in some kind of voluntary work and I believe that virtually everyone should be engaged in some kind of healing practice for others preferably on a daily basis.
how to discover this?Well I suggest you pray to be shown or ask the universe to reveal it to you. reveal the areas which are most suited to serviceJust going along in your life and living for self and not bothering until problems come can be very painful.
It is almost like asking for trouble to come ,.all our healing yours mine is linked right alongside our efforts and contribution to others.in direct proportion to the help we give others ie your healing comes with helping others acheive theirs so if people are doing very little in helping others ---they suffer more and longer...and if they are doing a lot they get well faster....so now you know what to do ,,and like a lot
my daughter was 2 when she was diagnosed but i knew there was something wrong about 18 months old. she has no eye contact didnt like interacting with anyone especially other children her own age she also didnt speak and still doesnt speak also bounces around on her toes alot sensitive to touch (showers were a nightmare) and a number of other things. There is a huge list of symptoms and you can relate alot to yourself but everyone does so try not to worry about it.Autism? Help please.?
I wasn't diagnosed with aspergers syndrome until I was 27. It was picked up in my teens that I was "different" and clearly had problems with my speech/communication and social interaction but they didn't know what it was about so I never got a referral to a specialist. It was only when I went back to university to do a post-grad course and spoke with the disability advisor that they said it sounded like some of my problems might be due to having aspergers and so I looked up info on it and managed to get a referral for assessment. Around the same time I saw an article in the paper about a girl with aspergers and her story sounded really familiar to me in the things that she struggled with and stuff. Sometimes it's down to the individual to be able to ask for help which is annoying as that means it takes ages sometimes for someone to get help.yamaha atv magellan roadmate
http://www.journalgazette.net/apps/pbcs.鈥?/a>
and it says a woman wasn't diagnosed with autism (actually PDD-NOS) until she was 37 and it's sometimes missed in females.
And it says, "Girls with disorders on the autism spectrum are often perceived as just being shy, Buskirk says."
So, how are girls diagnosed? Like the ones that have been diagnosed, how did you find out if people think you're just a bit odd or shy?
Also, are the symptoms different in older girls, like teens, adults?
I don't think i have it, although i do have some of the symptoms, such as toe-walking, lack of eye contact, sensitive to certain things - things ( like 'flashes' ) hurt my eyes easily, no friends my own age (i get on better with older people or foreign people), i don't know how to start a conversation/ continue a conversation and a bunch of other things.
Although those could be for other reasons i think. People just think i'm 'odd' or 'different' or 'very shy'.Autism? Help please.?
I suggest you read Asperger's and Girls by Tony Attwood.
Well, that's something that may be very true indeed.
Even though I have been totally socialy inept and silent and had a stange way of understanding things, and even though I was capable of making my teachers bug on any subject before even being 12, no one noticed that I was an autist.
My father thought that having a perfect flat tone, not understanding the basics of self care, thinking that all events in this world are an illusion that hide a pattern, was perfectly normal, and my mother just feard that I was schyzophrenic because I hated body contact, never hugged and rarely smiled. (I alos talked in a straight way without respecting what they call: empathy)
People around me thought that the fact that I sit in a place and don't move or talk was just shyness!
only one teacher noticed and asked me to bring my parents (what I never bothered to aknowledge, or do), but when she met my mother by some sort of luck my mother could not believe her and told her that I was just a talented and perfectly sane person who was just a little shy.
At 8 years old I began copying people, (and failing miserably at even making a conversation, since I just learned and repeated what I heard other people say), but after a time I just gave up on stupid relationships and acted anti socially.
I was so unable to understand the world where I lived that I had a split personality disorder at the age of 12. Then I was not only an autsit, but a sociopath too... People were completely unable to notice anything by that time, because I finally kind of mastered the art of copy.
I never knew that I was autistic till the day where I decided to repeat aloud all my thoughts from age 4. Because I understood thanks to a single line in a book that I was the odd one, and not the rest of humanity.
Seriousely, I don't know about others, but I think that society expect a boy to be more "ALIVE", so it misses the fact that he's autistic a little less.
My grandmother is an asperger, and I was the only one to notice. I feel bad for her. I hate when high IQ is wasted.Autism? Help please.?
here is a general principle which you can choose to employ
a concept called karma and this seems to be the only thing stopping us from achieving , health wealth and happiness One of the most powerful allies to any person is to know about karma therapy for if you understand this you can even
Avoid getting health or wealth or happiness problems
Or if you currently have problems in those areas Give you the most effective tool, which I have come across to help you alleviate them.
This is the tool The value of givingPutting something or some service into society is one of the most transforming tools with which we all benefit . The value of it is much higher than we can possibly know and it should be included as part of everyone鈥檚 health program. The giver may ask how will helping others help my health and me! That is a very good question, which is very worthy of a serious amount of thought. This touches on the concept which is called karma .
For if one truly wants to live with the great allies of Health, wealth, happiness, Love and all those effects which one values one should really understand this concept. It is the only thing, which explains the apparent randomness of the effects, which come upon people.
Effects are all aspects of health, Wealth, Richness, [note these two are separate] Happiness etc.What is karma? Put simply it is the law of cause and effect. Or put as another way as you sow so shall you reap, or what goes around comes around. What do we mean by sowing? Simply every action or deed you do causes an effect and every thought causes an effect.
So if you have sown good deeds as in helping others, being of service, giving love and Kindness for lengthy periods of time you can expect to reap those seeds. Alternatively if we have sown other deeds and thoughts of a hurtful nature we can expect problems of one nature or another to beset us. Edgar Cayce frequently mentioned in treating disease that we were working against karma and frequently told people that they would get well faster by helping others.
Ah you may say why is it that babies are sometimes born with so many impediments; they have not sown wrongful acts.Yes they have not in this lifetime but what about their previous lives as in reincarnation. You may not wish to go into this subject at this time but there are millions of references to it, some in the bible and a lot of eastern religions, some people can actually remember their past lives.
There is now even past life regression therapy used in hypnosis to treat phobias, which are not connected with this lifetime.
now listen to this next concept really carefully
If we are unwell and by implication therefore suffering from past seeds sown it follows therefore one of the fastest ways to get well is to incorporate into your treatment plan service or giving to somebody as often as you can .
Ask for opportunities to be of service .I have proved this concept on a daily basis and feel that this concept is so important in all types of healing and to achieve other effects like having friends ,enriching experiences, money and other effect which we all need.
Just a few examples of how we can be of service 鈥揼iving Sharing our being, our wealth, sending our thoughts, giving to charity, sharing a joke, uplifting someone, giving listening time, giving healing, giving labour, giving love, giving entertainment, giving food, giving information and a million more ways.
Edgar cayce gave many thousands of examples of karma at work ,he even told one person who asked to be healed that to cure him of this thing would be to no avail as another would surely come .
As you can see from this statement the man has got to work it off ,this apply to us all and its not just health either that this applies to .Virtually every effect you can name .
All is seen ,all is heard, all is felt.
The wise among you will take the attitude of discovering the areas of service you have to make amends on before effects of ill health reach you whether it be cancer, Parkinson鈥檚 blindness or what have you.
So I strongly advise that you engage in some kind of voluntary work and I believe that virtually everyone should be engaged in some kind of healing practice for others preferably on a daily basis.
how to discover this?Well I suggest you pray to be shown or ask the universe to reveal it to you. reveal the areas which are most suited to serviceJust going along in your life and living for self and not bothering until problems come can be very painful.
It is almost like asking for trouble to come ,.all our healing yours mine is linked right alongside our efforts and contribution to others.in direct proportion to the help we give others ie your healing comes with helping others acheive theirs so if people are doing very little in helping others ---they suffer more and longer...and if they are doing a lot they get well faster....so now you know what to do ,,and like a lot
my daughter was 2 when she was diagnosed but i knew there was something wrong about 18 months old. she has no eye contact didnt like interacting with anyone especially other children her own age she also didnt speak and still doesnt speak also bounces around on her toes alot sensitive to touch (showers were a nightmare) and a number of other things. There is a huge list of symptoms and you can relate alot to yourself but everyone does so try not to worry about it.Autism? Help please.?
I wasn't diagnosed with aspergers syndrome until I was 27. It was picked up in my teens that I was "different" and clearly had problems with my speech/communication and social interaction but they didn't know what it was about so I never got a referral to a specialist. It was only when I went back to university to do a post-grad course and spoke with the disability advisor that they said it sounded like some of my problems might be due to having aspergers and so I looked up info on it and managed to get a referral for assessment. Around the same time I saw an article in the paper about a girl with aspergers and her story sounded really familiar to me in the things that she struggled with and stuff. Sometimes it's down to the individual to be able to ask for help which is annoying as that means it takes ages sometimes for someone to get help.
I need some help with the child I'm babysitting. More info inside?
I am babysitting my roommate's daughter and he had told me that she has a mental development problem, but didn't specify which.
Her behaviour sometimes worries me.
She only likes to draw (No problem with that), or watch movies. I try to get her to add, subtract, write and spell words, which she does but she sometimes doesn't handle the concept.
One day I gave her some cereal, she tasted it, and almost cried because she didn't like it.
And most of the times, she goes to the couch , leans over the armrest and stands on her head.
She also needs a long time to think about what she says.
would this be pdd-nos?
(pervasive developmental disorder - not otherwise specified)
Again, I have no problems with her and i realize that children like this need special attention and all of that. I am just really puzzled.I need some help with the child I'm babysitting. More info inside?
I'm a nanny ....that's normal things that kids do but she might just have add.... you know she is special so just take things slower. As far as school work maybe you find out the method her school teacher takes so she would be less confused.I need some help with the child I'm babysitting. More info inside?
why don't you just ask your roomate? :s
i wouldn't worry too much about it, i mean if they don't know what she has..then the parents should be going to the doctor..
make sure you give her lots of attention and fun..she is a kid remember :)
Her behaviour sometimes worries me.
She only likes to draw (No problem with that), or watch movies. I try to get her to add, subtract, write and spell words, which she does but she sometimes doesn't handle the concept.
One day I gave her some cereal, she tasted it, and almost cried because she didn't like it.
And most of the times, she goes to the couch , leans over the armrest and stands on her head.
She also needs a long time to think about what she says.
would this be pdd-nos?
(pervasive developmental disorder - not otherwise specified)
Again, I have no problems with her and i realize that children like this need special attention and all of that. I am just really puzzled.I need some help with the child I'm babysitting. More info inside?
I'm a nanny ....that's normal things that kids do but she might just have add.... you know she is special so just take things slower. As far as school work maybe you find out the method her school teacher takes so she would be less confused.I need some help with the child I'm babysitting. More info inside?
why don't you just ask your roomate? :s
i wouldn't worry too much about it, i mean if they don't know what she has..then the parents should be going to the doctor..
make sure you give her lots of attention and fun..she is a kid remember :)
1st grade teacher question.?
My 1st grader has the same teacher my older son did. I really didn't care for her the first time around. She's a bit rigid and my older son didn't do well in her class. He has ADHD and he was having a lot of difficulty paying attention. He was not yet reading and he struggled in her class. Now my next son has her. He has some sensory issues but was already reading when he began kindergarten and is already doing some very simple multiplication. He gets math. He reads well. But now he's not able to do his "work" on time and sometimes refuses to do it. He loses recess every day and he just hates school. When I first saw his teacher this year she said he looks so much like my older one that she keeps calling him by my older son's name. I think that's really odd because they do not look alike, and if you didn't know they were brothers you wouldn't know by looking at them. I'm very frustrated because this teacher is well liked by other parents and I know that my son is partly to blame because he can be stubborn. However, she's so rigid and won't budge that a power struggle began the first week of school. I think she's pushing all the time, there is a lot of worksheet type work and she's all about the "work." I've spent a lot of time with my first grader desensitizing him (auditory, touch and food textures) and the first half of kindergarten last year was quite a challenge -- but by the second semester he loved school. We had a GEI meeting for him last year and he has a diagnosis for PDD-Nos, but I don't think his teacher reviewed his file even after I told her about it (maybe she thinks I'm making excuses for him?). It is possible there is an attention problem because his mind does wander and it runs in our family, but I think with just a little give and take he should have no problem. There are 16 kids in the class and she says she can't make any exceptions, which I respect, but the rules are so arbitrary. You can't put your hoody up in class. You can't sharpen your pencil after the morning bell rings (they have to borrow a pencil from her and it becomes kind of a disciplinary thing -- you should have done this before the bell, but they aren't allowed in the classroom until 10 minutes before the bell rings. It just seems excessively rigid to me for first grade). He hates school and gets frequent stomach aches. I'm making him go, I eat lunch with him a lot and I volunteer in the library. I'm letting him know that his teacher is in charge and he has to respect her and follow the rules. I don't want to be "one of those parents" who thinks their children never do anything wrong and it's always someone else's fault when there's a problem, but I really, really don't think this is a good personality fit. I seem to be the only parent who doesn't love this teacher, or maybe no one else is saying? I've never heard of anyone switching teachers at this school so I doubt it's an option. I also don't want my son to think he can switch teachers every time he gets one he doesn't like. I'm not sure what I should do and would welcome any and all suggestions.|||I am sorry to hear of your experience- not every teacher (even 'well-loved' ones) can be a perfect fit. It would seem to me that if your son is identified with Pervasive Developmental Disorder/ Non- Specified, that he would qualify for an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) or accommodations via a 504. Either of these documents would allow for your child's needs to be met within acceptable parameters. Please speak with a member of the school's Child Study Team regarding this. However, if the school is not a public one, there may not be these services available. Barring that, a Parent- Teacher conference is called for ASAP. It is always best to meet with a teacher directly first before involving the principal. Be persistent though in your advocacy for your son. Best Wishes!|||Here's a GREAT message board for help--
http://www.millermom.proboards107.com/in鈥?/a>|||You could set up a conference with her, and explain to her your situation, and how it affects him and your family...|||Bandit - RIGHT ON! That's exactly what I was thinking.|||My brother was in a situation similar to this and to this day [he's now a freshman in highschool] he hates school. He's gotten veryy lazy with schoolwork and although he has the ability to do well, he refuses to do so. If i were in your position i would talk to somone in the office and push for a teacher switch. The pricipal should be accomadating if you explain this situation to him/her.
Best of luck to you and your son!|||You need to advocate for your child. I would set a meeting up with the teacher and the principal to discus your concerns. There are many teachers who have no business working with certain children. I have never had a student pulled from my class, but there are two teachers on my grade who have had it happen several times since I have been working there. I know that in at least one instance, it was a godsend to the child. They were failing in the first class, and really blossomed in the other.
Don't accept anything other than what you think is the right solution for your child.|||I'm a teacher and know that there are some super rigid teachers out there - I work very closely with one of them and it is difficult even as a co-worker.
Typically in these situations I side with the teacher but honestly I think you have more than respectful and I think you should talk to the principal. Do it in the same way that you wrote this question. Approach the principal gently with reasons. Tell him what you've tried etc...Tell him that it just isn't a good fit and you would be willing to put him in any other class than hers. You can't be picky though because once you get picky they will think you have another agenda. If your agenda is that you want your kid out regardless then they will probably try to accomodate you. Also ask the principal to not put this towards the teacher in a way that will make her treat your son any differently.
You can't change teachers like this - they are old school and have a hard time seeing tha ttheir ways are not good.
Typically, they do put siblings with teachers they've had in the past because they think you have built a relationship with the teacher. It isn' weird that she has called your son by your other son's names. Sometimes I do that and that is only because I have in my brain associated the family name with a child's name. She doesn't mean anything about it.
http://www.millermom.proboards107.com/in鈥?/a>|||You could set up a conference with her, and explain to her your situation, and how it affects him and your family...|||Bandit - RIGHT ON! That's exactly what I was thinking.|||My brother was in a situation similar to this and to this day [he's now a freshman in highschool] he hates school. He's gotten veryy lazy with schoolwork and although he has the ability to do well, he refuses to do so. If i were in your position i would talk to somone in the office and push for a teacher switch. The pricipal should be accomadating if you explain this situation to him/her.
Best of luck to you and your son!|||You need to advocate for your child. I would set a meeting up with the teacher and the principal to discus your concerns. There are many teachers who have no business working with certain children. I have never had a student pulled from my class, but there are two teachers on my grade who have had it happen several times since I have been working there. I know that in at least one instance, it was a godsend to the child. They were failing in the first class, and really blossomed in the other.
Don't accept anything other than what you think is the right solution for your child.|||I'm a teacher and know that there are some super rigid teachers out there - I work very closely with one of them and it is difficult even as a co-worker.
Typically in these situations I side with the teacher but honestly I think you have more than respectful and I think you should talk to the principal. Do it in the same way that you wrote this question. Approach the principal gently with reasons. Tell him what you've tried etc...Tell him that it just isn't a good fit and you would be willing to put him in any other class than hers. You can't be picky though because once you get picky they will think you have another agenda. If your agenda is that you want your kid out regardless then they will probably try to accomodate you. Also ask the principal to not put this towards the teacher in a way that will make her treat your son any differently.
You can't change teachers like this - they are old school and have a hard time seeing tha ttheir ways are not good.
Typically, they do put siblings with teachers they've had in the past because they think you have built a relationship with the teacher. It isn' weird that she has called your son by your other son's names. Sometimes I do that and that is only because I have in my brain associated the family name with a child's name. She doesn't mean anything about it.
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