I don't know what to do. My oldest is 12 and youngest is 10. We've been divorced for 10 years since youngest was a baby. He left me for his current wife.
My ex told my daughter that his grandmother was having a bday party this week and said he'd pick her up on Wed. She later learned the party wasn't til Sat. She didn't understand why he wanted to get them on Wed.
She didn't want to go on Wed. She and my other daughter have always been afraid to tell him things. Don't know why and this has been an ongoing issue.
I have told my ex that he needs to make all plans with me and not the kids and he continues not to do so.
Wed. I told him that they don't want to go until Thurs. He called my oldest daugther and told her he was upset with her and went on about it and told her that he would not pick her up until Fri.
Then called and told me he'd get them Thurs. I told him that he is not going to play this game and manipulate her and since he told her he couldn't get her until Fri. then that's when he may get them. He called me and went off on me. I told him that I have had this same conversatoin with him for 10 years and nothing changes. I reminded him how I have told him from day 1 he has to build a relationship with them that involves trust, love, security etc. and he has not done so. I suspect this is why kids don't feel comftorable telling him things. He told me I needed medication and that he is making our oldest the leader becasue my home doesn't have a leader and all this ridiculous stuff. I told him that if he causes them emotional harm then he would have to loose some visits
Mind you...my oldest has threatened suicide and is seeing a counselor. She also has PDD NOS and struggles with social skills and communication etc.
Thurs. he sent a txt asking to get them and I ignored txt. We met and he was way out of line through out the meeting. I calmly said this is inappropriate and we should wait and discuss things when he is calm.
Then he started crying and saying that his feelings were hurt that daughters didn't want to go with him on wed. and that they will not talk to him etc. Totally put on the guilt trip on our kids. Then he said that they will not go with him and he will not visit them until they will communicate openly with him.
My kids are devistated. THe started crying and he really left them.
I don't know if he'll ever come back or contact them again? I don't understand what is going on or what to do?
Did I do something wrong? I hate this for my girls. THey are so broken hearted and they feel guilty and I don't know what to do.
I told themt his is not their fault and told them that he loves them. I feel so helpless and so confused at the same time.
Today he called and wanted to have meeting with me and kids. I said as long as he didn't say anything inappropriate that would be fine.|||Maybe you just got fat.|||#1 - You probably can't have him stop visiting or curtail the amount of visitation.
#2 - If there isn't a court order in place for specific times of visitation, you (both) should go to court and set one up. That will handle which day(s) he can/will have the children and which days he can't/won't. Have the court direct dad to make arrangements with you in writing, if necessary. Or by phone or email a certain number of days before any non-regular visit, like birthday parties etc. That will stop the drama of when.
#3 - You (all) are making this way more of a struggle than it needs to be. [Don't get upset, listen. You wanted advice. I've been thru this as a kid and as a parent and as a step-parent. So I've seen it from every side--only as parents, my former husband and I DIDN'T fight about who had our child or when. We learned from others' mistakes, like I'm asking you to do.]
You (mom) say dad said he won't see the kids again and you're afraid he won't, then you say he is causing them emotional distress. Why are you so concerned that he won't see them if he is upsetting them? Let it be, if that's the case.
#4 - Counseling of every sort: Good grief, lady. The poor kids probably think they are way abnormal. If I were drug to every counselor on the planet, I'd believe there were something terribly wrong with me. I'm not trying to diagnose your kids, but I seriously doubt that there's THAT much wrong with them. They are probably pretty bright, nice little girls. Maybe with a few problems, but all people have problems. Give 'em a break. Let them feel a bit more 'normal' and quit trying to have someone diagnose everything they think, feel and do for Pete's sake!
#5 - They're mostly upset at dad right now because you (plural) have taught them over the years to believe they should be upset at every little thing. Quit being so dramatic. All of you, not just mom.
#6 - If dad pitches a fit like a child, or if he behaves as an immature person, simply tell them daddy is not feeling very sociable right now. Everyone has times when they don't feel like being around someone else. You're sorry but, right now, that's how he's feeling. He will get over it and everything will be fine in awhile. Let's go to the park, or watch a movie together, or whatever. (See #5 again).
#7 - Sings songs together, make mud pies together, teach them to crochet, take them camping and hiking, read them bedtime stories, or better yet, tell them some. Make a fun life for them instead of allowing everything to be so intense. They grow up way faster than you think. Remember that it was just s few minutes ago that they were so tiny they fit in the crook of your arm.
#8 - One last thing, get the court orders and quit arguing with dad. If he ignores the court orders, take him back for contempt. In our state the court system will do it for you, you don't even have to pay.|||What's the question? I hope venting helped you feel better I know sometimes it helps.But I really didn't see a question.|||Obviously this arrangement is not working.
The kids need to be put first.
You sound like you still have mixed feelings too.
I can't tell you what to do but those kids should not be a part of your ups and downs with your ex.
If it were me , I would be going to court, having his visitation stopped and working with my kids.
Is he paying child support?
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