I'm lost. I lost my job in April of this year. I was working retail/sales and after getting fired from there for not understanding the job (after working there 8 years) I realized it was time to get a college education. I'm 28 years old. I have an 8 year old autistic son and a 4 year old defiant daughter. I also have a wife that is paranoid about being a bad mother. I've been told that I act and think way younger than people my age but at the same time I carry myself and seem like someone my age.
I've been told I'm bad with people. I don't know what to say during normal social conversations. I don't give eye contact and my body language is sometimes not appropriate. They say I'm cold (actually they say I'm an a**hole) and they say that I lack empathy. I don't understand common social queues to talk (constantly interrupting). I say more than I should (constantly told that I talk too much and I give "TMI"). I try to make all the conversations about me. I don't follow rules. I prefer to be alone. I have 1 friend. I'm told I talk in metaphors, riddles, or even "side ways"...
I was diagnosed in '94 with ADHD but we didn't have money for further testing so I don't know if I have anything else but I can tell you that I find it interesting that my son has PDD-NOS (autism) and ADHD and I have a lot of the same symptoms as him...
Now, over the years I've been pegged with "Narcissism" but that doesn't seem right. Narcissism is about caring only about yourself and not about others. If I was Narcissistic, why would I shower my wife with gifts? I'm constantly buying her stuff like her favorite snack, clothes that I thought would flatter her body, and I always try to think about her when I'm considering dinner foods I'll be making. I constantly insist (when we had the money to) for her to go to the spa and go to the salon and go to her friends houses; I'm trying to make sure she's happy and it seems like a Narcissist wouldn't care less since all those things would inconvenience my ability to shower myself with gifts...
My issue and why I'm writing this WHOLE thing is this: my wife feels that I should be able to keep the house (spotless) clean, take care of our 4 year old daughter (without letting her brain rot on the TV or Computer), go to college online full time, get a full time job that pays $10 or more an hour (during a recession), and have time in my day to pamper her.... According to all her friends, this is all do-able and it's not unrealistic because people do it all the time. I've tried it the first month I was home after getting fired and I didn't get hardly any sleep (and when I don't get 6 to 8 hours of sleep, I'm an a**hole so if they thought I already was one, it's times 100 at that point).
See, I get stressed out real easy. Like now, I'm typing this message up when I should be doing laundry, cleaning every room in the house (we have 6 rooms that need cleaning), and I should be spending 1 on 1 time with my daughter (she's watching a movie right now). I also have to pick my son up at 4 for school and I have to have dinner ready by 6. If the house isn't FLAWLESS by the time my wife gets home, she's going to give me an earful and make my night miserable... So knowing how much I need to get done, I start to stress out about it... My questions in my head are this "Where do I start?", "What if I don't get it done in time?", "Do I really have time for all of this?", and then again "Where do I start?".
See I don't have the ability to break down tasks, it's either "all or nothing" with me. If my wife said "I need you to stop talking about me on Facebook" I would rather delete my facebook account than have to restrain myself. It's not because I'm an a**hole, it's because I know that I can't control myself and it would happen again. Here's a metaphor for you - If a kid is playing video games excessively and you want them to stop, a normal person would limit their time and be firm, but what I would do is just take video games away; it's not because I'm a jerk, it's because if you take the video games away, the person could be fixated on something else that was more productive. I get fixated too though, I've had a 20 year fixation on video games so I know what that's like (by the way, my last job was selling video games).
I know the lot of you are going to say something like "get a job" or "just calm down" but what you may not be able to realize is that I'VE TRIED THAT! There's something that always prevents me from doing those things... All I know is everyone thinks I'm making up excuses but to me they aren't excuses, these are rational reasons why I can't move "forward" in my |||Wow.
First: My opinion is that you're allowing others to take advantage of you. Appears clear to me that you don't understand the meaning of the word "Boundaries" You also can't stay no.
One thing to change: Note that you've started the sentences in the first half with "I." You're desparately asking for help here %26amp; NOT getting the support or understanding you need at home.
Second: Understand the meaning of "Belong." This is another basic human need, one of THE most important. If you're not accepted just "how you are" %26amp; are constantly seeking acceptance %26amp; approval, there's no sense of belonging in your life.
Third: Another of the strongest human fears: Abandonement. Getting fired can trigger that fear %26amp; you keep trying to give, give, give so you're not abandoned again. Tell me if these strike a chord.
Finally: I don't know if you have insurance, but a family counselor would be great. You've got SO much on your shoulders %26amp; your family compounds that. Most counselors suggest books to read. I'd suggest that you take TIME FOR YOU %26amp; go to the bookstore.
Put your foot down, right now. You have NO SAY in your life. Scan through some self-help books, for example look up: "co-dependence." This is quite common. You need personal space %26amp; right now you're completely pulled apart. Once you settle yourself %26amp; are ok with YOU, you'll start to recognize your basic needs. Read what you wrote here ALOUD %26amp; objectively. Listen to your body. God bless.|||I think you're trying to do too many things all at once--which is often the case with ADHD and ADD. The trouble is, without using time management strategies (such as writing a to-do list out for the week)--this disorder can seriously put a strain on your life. You are paying attention to too many things at once and placing them all at a high priority level.
Try scheduling out each day in blocks. Think of the Morning, Afternoon, and Evening as separate events. Pick a task you'd like to accomplish in each of these times of the day and focus on one thing. Try to avoid allowing yourself to multitask, but do schedule multiple tasks in each day to avoid feeling bored by a long task.
For example, you could clean up the house (dust and vacuum) in the morning, go to a park with your daughter in the early afternoon, come back and work on college studies in the later afternoon before dinner (and after if needed). And finally watch a movie, talk to your wife, etc after.
Make sure you always pace yourself to your own speed, and give yourself a lot of time to unwind in the evening. You shouldn't have to clean the house every single day of the week, so give yourself every other day or the weekends to play video games.
I'm not sure if any of my advice is going to help, and I'm sorry you feel so stressed. Hope you can figure it out, talk to your wife about how you feel, too. She should be able to help you schedule your time accordingly. Maybe you can save up some money (that you're spending on her?) for some medication if your ADHD is severe. It'll help you help her in the long run, and you'll both be much happier.
P.S. You're not overreacting. Attention disorders can put a serious strain on a relationship and disable your ability to accomplish goals. You might feel like you aren't able to handle it all right now, but I'm confident that if you put more effort into scheduling a task a day (and focusing on that one thing) will help a lot. Definitely get help from your wife, friends, or doctor.|||You need to do three things.
1. Take 5-10 a deep breaths.
2. Look at the mirror and smile.
3. Pray to God whenever you have time. He will show you the way.
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