Visitation and Custody issues, looking for a legal viewpoint?

When my custody order was set my son was only 6mos old, and had yet to have been diagnosed as PDD-NOS my son is 4 years old now. My ex is your textbook deadbeat. Won't work because the state will garninsh his wages for his 40K in back child support (he has never paid a dime) He will go months and months on end without giving my son a thought or taking a visit, and then all of a sudden he will call and say he wants to take him for a weekend. It is hell on my son because 75% of the time he requests a visit, he will either not show up at all, leaving you sitting in a car waiting with a flipping out four year old, or he will cancel at the last minute. My son thrives on routine. This set up is hell on him. My husband and I have tried to convey to my ex that he needs to be consistent, that the games he is playing right now are causing more harm than good. My son's teachers have tried to make it clear to my ex that what he is doing is NOT working, and that when he does take visits, they have nothing but trouble with my son for a week after he gets home. All of these pleadings are falling on deaf ears with my ex, he does not see his actions as being problematic.

My ex this morning requested another visit forthis weekend, he has not taken a visit since well before Christmas. I flat out said NO, that it was TOO LATE to juggle our plans around (we are taking a family trip) and that it is too short of notice to prepare my son. My ex flipped his lid, said that we are denying him visitation. I do not feel that we deny him visitation. His basis for that allegation is that every other week we do not call him to remind him that he has a visit. He states that by our not calling him to initiate plans, we are in actions denying him access to his son. I am of the mind that I have enough on my plate already and chasing my ex around to remind him to visit his son is not my responsibility.. What he is asking is just silly. He wants me to call him to remind him that he has a visit coming, and then chase him around to firm up pick up time and place. He says that I never call him to set it up and that is why he goes months on end without seeing my son. I think it is BS, but my question is if he were to drag me into court, would a court see his notion as stupid too? Or would I be violating child custody order? The order has never been altered since he was 6 mos old, and is right now every other weekend with his father. Again, his father will take maybe 5 or 6 visits per year. The inconsistant jumping in and out of my sons life causes turmoil, he is on the Autistic Spectrum and needs STRUCTURE. The order does not recognize his needs. I do realize that I should go back to court to have the order reviewed, but my fear is that a judge will agree with my ex about me denying visits because I don't call him and remind him that they are coming up.Visitation and Custody issues, looking for a legal viewpoint?
Long Answer. As written, if I were the judge, and before me appeared you, your Ex, your husband, and a psychologist knowledgeable of PDD-NOS, I would order the following:

AS TO CHILD SUPPORT:

Ex is hereby committed to jail for 6 months for the failure to pay child support, and Ex is found to be in arrears of $40,000.00. Ex may be released from jail upon the paying of $5,000.00 before he is released, Upon said payment, the remaining portion of the 6 months is suspended on the condition that in 30 days from said release, he pay $____ (the amount of the present monthly support), plus and an additional amount of $____ (on the arrrears), and that he report back to this court on said 30th day for the court to verify the payments, and if he has not so paid, he will be remanded to custody for the remaining period of his six months, and if he has paid, then he will pay the stated amounts on the 30th day of each successive month thereafter, and he is ordered to appear on the 30th day of each successive month thereafter for a determination by the court as to the status of the suspension of his confinement. In six months, it is Ordered that all parties appear before the Court, so that further necessary orders be entered as to payment of monthly child support and payment on arrearages. [This would be a likely court order, but with more specificity in the order that would be legally required for contempt.]

AS TO VISITATION:

The court finds that there has been a material change of circumstances in this case since the last order of visitation, and that Ex visitation with the child be as follows:

None, during any period of incarceration;

That prior to any future visitation by Ex, he first obtain counseling with a professional who has expertise in children with PDD-NOS applicable to age of the subject child, and after a period of 90 days of at least 2 hours a week of such counseling, the Court will hear from the parties and the counselor if the Court can consider visitation schedules consistent with the physical and emotional well-being of the child. If the court finds that the Ex has completed the counseling, and the counselor advises the court that in his/her opinion that Ex understands the physical and emotional well-being of his child, then the court will set a hearing within the next 45 days to consider the specific visitation schedule. The court will then consider all further orders necessary for the best interest, safety and welfare of the child.



I advise you to file the following motions: Motion for Contempt, Motion for Increased Child Support, Motion to Modify Visitation, Motion for Further Orders



Further the court may order him to counseling other than that necessary for understanding of and how to provide for a child with PDD-NOS. The Court most likely will award you attorney's fees and costs.



The "peace" that you think you gain by non-enforcement of child support, and the "peace" that you think you gain by his not being around for a while is a highly uncomfortable "peace" which creates an attendant fear and a very unsuitable and unhealthy environment for your child when there is Ex activity, to say "nothing" about the difficulties experienced by your husband.Visitation and Custody issues, looking for a legal viewpoint?
It sounds like you are doing the right thing for your son. Continue to protect your son from an irresponsible "dad".



The bum's threats that he will take you to court are likely to be bluffing. Consider that he cannot even get his act together enough to visit his son regularly. He won't even get a job! You think this guy is going to go through the expense and hassle of a court battle? I think not.



To put your mind at ease, consult your attorney. You should not have to hire an attorney at this point, since no action is pending. But just pay for a half-hour of consultation to have your attorney explain your options and to advise you.Visitation and Custody issues, looking for a legal viewpoint?
Keep track of EVERYTHING on a calendar. Chances are he'll never take you to court cuz he knows he's a loser. Talk to a lawyer with a free initial consult. Good luck.



I am in contempt as I type this, but the loser can't get off dope long enough to go to court. ~~knocks wood~~